Mother playing with her children at home

(© Jacob Lund -

NEW YORK — This Valentine’s Day, moms are trading in the usual gifts and looking for the gift of “me time” instead, according to a new survey.

A poll of 1,000 moms uncovered what these special women are looking for to feel loved and appreciated on Feb. 14. Since over half (55%) of moms admit they have spent far too much time with their partner and are looking for a little bit of a break, it’s no surprise that the gift of “me time” tops the charts of what moms want this year.

Moms Valentine's Day

The survey, conducted by OnePoll and commissioned by Zulily, aimed to discover what mothers really want after a chaotic and stressful 2020. Researchers discovered that busy moms would appreciate some new moments at home with their significant other.

Nearly three in four respondents say it’s just as important to spend time apart in a relationship as it is to spend time together. The average mom says she needs at least 13 hours of “me time” a week.

The research also revealed how acts and expressions of love have changed during the pandemic. A third of respondents reported a change in their love language. That includes receiving gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or physical touch. Entirely new love languages have also emerged as a result of COVID-19.

How couples are showing love in a pandemic

Modern love languages now include having partners do household chores (45%) – coined “heroic homemaking” – which finished as the top thing mothers could ask for. Finishing closely behind, moms are also enjoying lounging around with their partner doing absolutely nothing (41%) – better known as the love language of “sweatpant sweethearts.”

Other love languages making the list include cooking a meal at home (36%) – or “meal prep magic,” playing video games (28%) and other games at home – or “gamifying togetherness,” and sending and sharing memes (27%) — dubbed “laughs through likes.”

“We know that moms are the heroes of their homes. And, this Valentine’s Day in a year where balancing life’s demands has become even more challenging, we’ve sought to understand how moms have adapted and what’s driving the way they celebrate and express love,” says Megan Marshall, Zulily’s director of brand marketing, in a statement. “What we learned is that while moms may want a little more time to themselves to unwind, they also want to make the time with their partners more meaningful this Valentine’s Day.”

Sticking with the Valentine’sDay classics still work too

Moms Valentine's DayDespite these new and modern love languages entering the lives of Americans this past year, the more traditional love languages still hold true for many. Forty-six percent of moms surveyed still want quality time with their partners while three in 10 are looking for words of affirmation. Now, more than ever before, 37 percent love to receive gifts.

Additionally, a quarter of moms now prefer physical touch as a way to show love. For relationships to be healthy, 79 percent say it’s important their partners know their love language. This is true even for those who have different ways of receiving love. Forty-four percent reveal their love language differs from their partners.

“Even in 2021, the ‘new normal’ continues to be virtual work, co-teaching their kids, pet wrangling, and trying to be one’s best self, all under the same roof with their partner for now an entire year. Finding joy in the moment and understanding how to communicate, show love and receive appreciation is always important to all relationships whether it’s with a significant other, ones’ children, or other women in their lives. This is what we’re excited to celebrate this Valentine’s Day,” adds Marshall.

About Chris Melore

Chris Melore has been a writer, researcher, editor, and producer in the New York-area since 2006. He won a local Emmy award for his work in sports television in 2011.

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