Love in 2023: Just 36% of Americans in relationships rate their sex life as ‘excellent’

NEW YORK — Finding love in America may be tougher than ever. One in five adults say they have never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than three years, according to new research. A survey of 5,000 Americans in relationships split evenly by state finds that if you’re searching for someone who will be in it for the long haul, the best place to look may be New Hampshire since they have the highest number of people whose relationship has lasted at least 15 years.

More than a third of all of those surveyed said people start dating at an earlier age now than when they did (38%), with survey-takers from Massachusetts (50%), New York (50%) and Wyoming (50%) especially noticing this trend where they live.

Conducted by OnePoll and commissioned by LELO, the survey also found that 45 percent of respondents who have moved to a new state said that they did so in part to revamp their love life.

Where they go may depend on what they’re looking for. Respondents in Utah (35%) are most likely to identify as “hopeless romantics,” followed by those from Oklahoma (34%), West Virginia (32%), Pennsylvania (32%) and Missouri (32%). And if your partner is from Georgia (36%) or California (28%), they are some of the most likely to be the jealous type.

If you’re looking for a faithful partner, the odds are not good. Over one in five of those polled admit they’ve cheated on their partner (21%), with those from Wisconsin being the most likely to have (52%).

The survey also found that the average person has seriously dated four people in their lifetime. Respondents from Illinois were found to have the most serious relationships throughout their life.

“We recognize that relationships are highly individualized and can vary widely across different regions and cultures,” says chief marketing officer at LELO, Luka Matutinovic, in a statement. “There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love and pleasure, as every couple has its own unique set of needs and desires. Whether seeking a traditional monogamous partnership or exploring alternative forms of intimacy, everyone should be free to express themselves and pursue their version of happiness.”

Putting the “lay” in relationships

On average, Americans go on two dates a week with their partner, sharing their favorite activities like going out to dinner (46%), a night in together (28%) and going to the movies (22%). Still, being intimate is important to Americans since the average person surveyed has sex three times a week. Nearly a quarter say they make love most nights (24%), particularly in California (46%) and Oklahoma (44%).

However, just 36 percent would rate their sex life as “excellent,” with those from Louisiana (58%), South Carolina (54%) and Delaware (50%) sharing that they have the best sex livesTwenty-nine percent got intimate with their current partner within a month of being with them, with respondents from Utah being most likely to have waited at least a year (31%).

Couple in bed, feet sticking out of sheets
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A majority of respondents said it’s important for couples to openly discuss and explore their desires and preferences (74%), although just one in seven would tell their partner about their kinks or fetishes within the first month.

Pulling back the curtain on some of these risqué preferences, people tend to enjoy dirty talk (20%) and being dominant/submissive (11%) with their partner the most. And many are not ashamed to shake things up, as most respondents think adult toys are becoming more mainstream and accepted in relationships (63%). When thinking about how to enhance their bedroom lives, people are interested in including vibrating underwear (16%), vibrating toys (15%) and swings (14%) into the mix.

“Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life is essential in some relationships, particularly for couples who are together for a significant time,” says Matutinovic. “Introducing toys into intimate experiences can help to reignite the passion, add variety, and enhance overall satisfaction. Whether exploring new sensations, experimenting with your partner, or simply prioritizing your pleasure, incorporating pleasure products can be a game-changer.”

Survey methodology:

This random double-opt-in survey of 5,000 Americans in relationships evenly split by state was commissioned by LELO between Feb. 17 and Feb. 27, 2023. It was conducted by market research company OnePoll, whose team members are members of the Market Research Society and have corporate membership to the American Association for Public Opinion Research (AAPOR) and the European Society for Opinion and Marketing Research (ESOMAR).

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About the Author

Sophia Naughton

Meet StudyFinds’ Associate Editor, Sophia Naughton. Sophia graduated Magna Cum Laude from Towson University with a Bachelor of Science in Mass Communication directly focused in journalism and advertising. She is also a freelance writer for Baltimore Magazine. Outside of writing, her best buddy is her spotted Pit Bull, Terrance.

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