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Grief is complicated. It is hard to talk about our feelings when a loved one dies, and perhaps even more awkward or uncomfortable when that loved one is a pet. Will our friends or loved ones know how to respond to our grief? Isolating and grieving on our own might be easier, but ultimately, this is not a healthy way to mourn.
Community is paramount during an individual’s journey through grief, whether it’s the loss of a pet or a relative. This is due, in part, to an individual’s ability to achieve and thrive through connection with others close to them. For example, one recent study showed that individuals are more likely to choose lower paying jobs over higher ones when they believe that the former would include more support in the workplace, leading to significant long-term career growth.
Another study found that individuals engaged in close friendships are happier and more successful than those who live a more isolated life. The study, conducted by Dr. Rebecca Graber, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Brighton, surveyed 185 individuals showed that over the period of a year, individuals with close or best friends were more psychologically resilient than those without.
Dr. Giakoumatos (let’s call him Dr. G.) is a double board-certified psychiatrist and an expert in grief therapy. When asked about healthy grieving, he tells StudyFinds, “reaching out for help (to family, friends, mental health professionals) and being vigilant with our self-care is very important.” No one should carry the burden of grief alone.
When Dr. G.’s dog, Loki, passed, he was quick to take his own advice. He connected with Erika Sinner, author of Pets Are Family, via social media. Sinner believes that pets truly are family and is an expert on normalizing grief due to pet loss. Sinner is also the CEO of her own company, Directorie, and a leading voice in the movement to bring pet bereavement leave into the workplace.
After we spoke with Sinner for our pet bereavement stories, she was quick to introduce us to Dr. G. Their shared experience binds them together powerfully. Together, they share the stories of Loki and Sinner’s late dog, Kingston. It’s a way to honor the loved ones they’ve lost, grieve together, and celebrate the irreplaceable time they had with their pets.
Many people report that the loss of a pet is more painful than the loss of a family member. Dr. G. lost his father at the age of 19 and says that the grief he felt when Loki died was far more intense than the grief he felt when his father passed. “Pets become family members and it hurts a lot to lose a family member,” he explains. “We tend to spend more time with our pets than we do with most of our family members.”
Pet loss is real, deep loss. Our pets often become the center of our existence. They are our best friends and secret-keepers. Sinner echoes Dr. G.’s sentiment, telling us, “I feel like I’m crying more, [am] more traumatized right now over my dog than human beings that I have lost in my life.”
“[Pets are] part of your everyday life,” she continues. “They’re part of your routine. Everywhere you walk in your house, you have a memory of them or they’re doing something.”
No one should walk through pet loss alone or feel ashamed by the magnitude of their grief. Dr. G. met Sinner through social media. Sinner was reaching out to her online community for support as she navigated the indescribably painful last day of Kingston’s life. Even as a psychiatrist who encourages his patients to feel all of their emotions, Dr. G. felt shame in speaking to colleagues about his grief. Sinner’s words made him feel seen as he grieved Loki. Someone understood. He felt safe to talk about his pain.
“He sent me a note,” recalls Sinner. “His puppy passed and it was sudden and he said, ‘I just want you to know I am a psychiatrist. I just lost my dog. I cannot function. And I’m just wanting to say thank you for doing what you’re doing and bringing awareness to this.’ And I told him, this was me.”
Through their shared experience, the two forged a deep bond. While it can be painful, talking about the loved ones we’ve lost helps us remember and celebrate them.
“Now we’re messaging and now we’re friends and he’s going to actually have a day of celebration for his dog. He’s inviting his friends over and they’re going to have a nice meal and just talk about all the funny things that Loki did,” says Sinner. Feeling safe enough to talk about Loki with Sinner empowered Dr. G. to reach out to his local community. Now, they can support him and celebrate Loki’s life.
Are you grieving the loss of a pet? Do you have experience grieving in community? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
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