Narcissists Enjoy Being The Subject Of Trash-Talk And Negative Gossip — Here’s Why

OXFORD, Miss. — Fifteen percent of people would rather be trash-talked behind their backs than not mentioned at all. A new study has found that while most of us claim to hate gossip, many would rather be its subject than fade into social oblivion. For many of us, social invisibility is a fate worse than being badmouthed.

This finding comes from research published in the academic journal Self and Identity by a team led by Andrew Hales from the University of Mississippi, along with colleagues from other institutions. Their work challenges the long-held assumption that people universally prefer not to be the subject of gossip.

“If your only options are being gossiped about or being seen as so insignificant that no one even mentions you, both feel negative, just in very different ways,” says Hales, in a statement.

The researchers wanted to examine gossip from the rarely studied perspective of those being talked about. Through five studies involving over 2,000 participants, they explored how people feel about being discussed by others in their absence.

When the gossip was positive, a solid 64% of participants expressed a preference for being talked about rather than not mentioned at all. Even in scenarios involving explicitly negative gossip, approximately one in seven people still preferred to be discussed rather than overlooked.

When faced with ambiguous gossip, roughly a quarter of participants indicated they’d prefer to be talked about rather than left out of conversation entirely. This pattern remained consistent whether the hypothetical gossip occurred at a social gathering or in a workplace setting.

“When I was a kid, if I ever wanted to comment on gossip, I’d be shushed or told not to get involved in adult conversations,” says study author Meltem Yucel from Duke University. “So, I was always curious – why is it OK when adults do it, but not kids?”

Who Wants to Be Gossiped About?

Men consistently showed greater openness to being gossiped about than women across negative, ambiguous, and unspecified gossip scenarios. Interestingly, for positive gossip, both genders showed similar preferences.

Age also played a role, with younger adults expressing a stronger desire to be the subject of positive gossip compared to older adults. This fits with theories suggesting younger people prioritize building broader social networks and are more motivated to be noticed within them.

The strongest and most consistent predictor of wanting to be gossiped about was narcissism. Those scoring higher on narcissism measures were significantly more likely to want others to talk about them across positive, negative, or ambiguous gossip scenarios.

“Narcissists often feel entitled and special, so they may believe gossip about them is positive, even if it’s clearly negative,” says Hales. “More likely, though, they prefer negative attention over being ignored altogether.”

How We Misjudge Others’ Desire for Attention

Participants significantly overestimated how much other people would want to be positively gossiped about, but accurately judged others’ aversion to negative gossip. This misperception could explain why people feel comfortable engaging in positive gossip—they believe absent subjects would welcome the attention.

People who reported being chronically ostracized showed that they generally desired acknowledgment through gossip but were less receptive to positive gossip specifically. The researchers suggest this might stem from discomfort with positive attention that contradicts their internalized negative self-image.

The research found that people experiencing chronic social exclusion were more likely to want to be the topic of neutral or negative discussions, but showed less interest in being positively talked about. This suggests that people who feel socially excluded might prefer any form of acknowledgment, even negative, over continuing to feel invisible.

Gossip remains such a persistent feature of human social life despite frequent moral condemnation. For many people, the desire to be acknowledged and deemed socially relevant is powerful enough to override concerns about potential criticism.

Perhaps the fear of disappearing completely has begun to outweigh the fear of being judged. Even negative attention can feel like confirmation that we exist. The real fear behind social anxiety might not be what others might say about us, but the possibility that they might say nothing at all.