Near-death experiences can be life-altering. (© Günter Reuter - stock.adobe.com)
Table of contents
In A Nutshell
- Near-death experiences can feel like touching eternity, but coming back often breaks earthly bonds.
- One in five experiencers report losing friends, family closeness, or even marriages after their return.
- Validation, not therapy alone, makes the biggest difference in recovery and reintegration.
- Doctors still get it wrong: most lack training to support people shaken by what they saw “on the other side.”
- For many, it takes years to merge two worlds — the peace they glimpsed and the life they returned to.
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Sarah’s heart stopped for three minutes during surgery. When she came back, everything felt different, just not in the way anyone expected.
She returned from what felt like unconditional love, only to find she could not connect with her own husband. The trivial concerns of daily life felt meaningless. Her marriage ended within two years.
Sarah isn’t alone. A new University of Virginia study finds that near-death experiences often bring deep spiritual shifts and can reduce fear of death. They can also strain the closest relationships and leave experiencers feeling isolated in a world that suddenly feels hard to relate to.
Published in Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, the research surveyed 167 people who had near-death experiences. These are episodes reported by people close to death that can include leaving the body, meeting deceased loved ones, or feeling overwhelming peace. Prior work suggests that roughly one in six critically ill patients report such experiences, so they are not rare.
Relationships Under Strain
More than one in five participants said their relationships with family, friends, or people in general got worse after the experience. Another 22% reported a divorce or breakup.
“My NDE was considerable; I know I’ll never be the same person ever, so ongoing reflection and inner work are needed daily,” one participant shared. Another called it a “double-edged sword,” wanting to share insights to ease others’ fear of death yet fearing judgment.
Experiencers often describe major value shifts. Nearly 70% reported changes in religious or spiritual beliefs and new views about survival after death. Many changed their lifestyle or daily activities. More than a third changed jobs or occupations entirely.
Here’s the twist: the same insights that bring peace about death can make everyday life feel distant. Some people find it harder to connect with those around them.
Coming Back From the Light
Researchers describe the period after a near-death experience as “reentry problems,” a kind of culture shock. Imagine tasting perfect peace and love, then waking to traffic, bills, and petty arguments.
Many wrestle with what one researcher called “the perceived triviality of their life or the problems they were facing before the NDE.” The sense of unconditional love becomes a sharp contrast to ordinary life. Some feel anger or depression at having returned to what felt like “home” only to find themselves back here.
“I just feel awake to reality, but alone in that knowledge,” one participant wrote.
That feeling can create isolation even among loved ones. People may lose motivation for the same day-to-day tasks, work roles, or social obligations. Changed values collide with others’ expectations, and friction grows.
Eighty-five percent said they felt a strong need to talk about their near-death experience. Fifty-five percent also said they were afraid to do so. That is a tough bind: sitting with the most important experience of your life while worrying that speaking about it could draw ridicule or the label of mental illness.
The Medical Response Problem
Those fears are not unfounded. Nearly one in five disclosures to health professionals were reported as negative, unpleasant, or harmful. Instead of validation, experiencers sometimes met dismissal or a quick pathologizing frame.
“After a few attempts, I honestly didn’t feel anyone was deep enough to handle it,” one participant wrote. “All the responses were textbook and uninspired; very disappointing.”
Another said, “My experience felt that those around me didn’t understand the magnitude of what I went through, so I didn’t think others would care either.”
Several factors predicted who sought support. People with deeper, more intense experiences were more likely to need help, likely due to stronger aftereffects. Those with prior counseling or substance-use history also reached out more often. Ongoing health problems from the event that led to the near-death experience played a role, too.
People who reported happy childhoods were less likely to need support and more likely to benefit when they did seek it. Early psychological resilience may help some navigate the shock of the experience with more confidence.
Whether support helped came down to one key ingredient: validation.
What Actually Helps
A positive first reaction mattered. Experiencers who felt believed by the first person they told were much more likely to find later support helpful. Those who connected with near-death experience organizations or online communities also reported higher satisfaction.
By contrast, sessions with mental-health professionals were often rated as less helpful than peer or community support. A lack of training leaves many experiencers without the kind of care that fits what they went through.
Sixty-four percent sought some form of professional help, therapy, or support to process the experience. Many needed help with the aftereffects of the near-death experience itself. Others wanted support with physical recovery, relationship strain, or simply making sense of what happened.
Barriers were common. Beyond fear of being labeled “crazy” or misunderstood, many felt help wasn’t available, couldn’t find someone suitable, faced financial limits, or found the topic too hard to discuss. Some were brushed off when they tried.
As one participant put it, “There really are no ‘therapies’ or support out there if we are being honest. This is not like other phenomena, addiction, abuse, posttraumatic stress disorder, with a wide patient population.”
Bridging the Understanding Gap
Dr. Bruce Greyson, one of the study’s authors and a psychiatrist, notes that the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual includes a category for “Religious or Spiritual Problems.” These are issues that may need professional attention but are not mental disorders. Near-death experiences are listed as an example.
Even so, that recognition has not become routine clinical skill. Many providers still lack training on how to respond to near-death experiences.
Older individuals in the study were more likely to find support helpful. Childhood experiences may be uniquely hard, since kids often lack the framework to understand what happened and may fear not being believed.
Organizations like the International Association for Near-Death Studies offer peer groups and education. Many participants found these helpful. Some also found that quiet reflection, meditation, or time in nature supported them.
Integration can take years. For many, it is a long process of holding two realities at once: the love and meaning felt near death and the ordinary world that rarely measures up.
The authors call for better training for professionals, specialized support systems, and studies that test which approaches actually help. They also note clear parallels with other intense experiences, including those brought on by psychedelics, which may raise similar integration challenges.
As one participant wrote, the experience can offer deep insight into consciousness, death, and meaning, but at a cost many don’t expect: feeling like a stranger in your own life, even to those who love you most.
Disclaimer: This article is for general information and should not be taken as medical or mental-health advice. If you’re struggling after a near-death or other life-changing experience, please seek support from a qualified professional or a peer group such as the International Association for Near-Death Studies.
Paper Summary
Methodology
Researchers conducted an online survey with 167 individuals who reported having near-death experiences. Participants were recruited through organizations focused on near-death experience education and support, particularly the International Association for Near-Death Studies, as well as through social media and Facebook groups. To qualify for the study, participants needed to score at least 7 on the Near-Death Experience Scale, a validated 16-item questionnaire that measures the depth and characteristics of near-death experiences. The survey included 79 items covering demographics, personal background, the circumstances and content of the near-death experience, aftereffects, difficulties experienced, support sought, barriers to seeking help, and communications about the experience. Participants ranged in age from 18 to 82 years old at the time of the study, with their near-death experiences having occurred anywhere from 0 to 75 years prior. Binary logistic regression analyses were used to identify factors that predicted whether participants sought support and whether they found that support helpful.
Results
Sixty-four percent of participants reported seeking support to help process their near-death experience, with 78% of those who sought support finding it somewhat or very helpful. Several predictors of seeking support emerged: having a deeper, more intense near-death experience; experiencing more aftereffects; having ongoing health problems from the event that caused the near-death experience; having a history of prior psychological counseling or substance abuse; reporting unusual stress at the time of the near-death experience; and lacking a happy childhood. For the helpfulness of support, key predictors included receiving a positive reaction from the first person told about the experience, receiving support from near-death experience organizations or online sources, reporting good current mental health, having a happy childhood, and being older at the time of the near-death experience. Support from mental health or health professionals was associated with lower perceived helpfulness. Common barriers to seeking support included fear of being thought crazy, fear of not being believed, feeling that help wasn’t available, and inability to find appropriate help. Major challenges after near-death experiences included changes in religious or spiritual beliefs (70%), deteriorated relationships (22%), divorce or relationship breakups (22%), ongoing health problems (30%), and difficulty discussing the experience.
Limitations
Several important limitations stem from the study’s exploratory, retrospective, and correlational design. Researchers could not measure mental health immediately before and after the near-death experience, preventing direct assessment of how different types of support contributed to improvements over time. When participants sought multiple sources of support, researchers couldn’t evaluate the unique helpfulness of each individual type. The sample was recruited primarily through near-death experience organizations and online communities, meaning participants likely differ from experiencers who don’t engage with such groups, which potentially limits generalizability. The exploratory nature means the findings are preliminary, and the researchers call for future preregistered studies with larger and more diversely recruited samples to validate and extend these results. Additionally, the subjective nature of near-death experiences and varied interpretations by both experiencers and researchers present inherent challenges for systematic study.
Funding and Disclosures
The research was made possible through support from John N. Migliaccio. The authors reported no actual or potential financial, personal, or other conflicts of interest in conducting the work. The study was approved by the University of Virginia’s Institutional Review Board for Social and Behavioral Sciences (Protocol No. 2377).
Publication Information
Pehlivanova, M., McNally, K. C., Funk, S., & Greyson, B. (2025). Support needs after a near-death experience: “A quantitative study with experiencers,” published in Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice. Advance online publication. DOI: /10.1037/cns0000439
At first, I told the people around me what I had seen.
Their faces paled, they looked like they wanted a door.
I was confused, wondering if I was ‘chosen’ to speak this message.
I wasn’t the type to be chosen and speaking about what had happened made me appear crazy.
I walked away from every thing and every one I knew.
I went to work graveyard and just took care of my kids. I read the bible cover to cover.
Life turned out ok, more than ok actually.
Thing is, I remember every second of it, I can still call up every sensation.
I know to my core the horror I saw is going to happen after I pass.
My belief in the soul and an organizing principle is absolute but I have no idea how things work.
As a Christ-centered counselor and former health care professional, I can say that this study is spot on when it comes to the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of dealing with life issues. Sadly, I have experienced state licensing board refusal to grant a license because I would be forbidden to use practical Biblical teachings related to what my counselees are experiencing. They claim it would “transfering your values to your patients.” So, I chose to counsel as part of a church nonprofit and will collaborate with licensed counselors if needed. The success rates are very high, even with addicts because their motivations are changed when they learn practical ways to use their faith to make informed positive changes.
I had a non-NDE when I was in my early 30s, wide awake, in the daytime, lying on my bed with a cup of coffee waiting for my 10 year old son to get out of the tub. Suddenly I was watching me in the bed from above somewhere and a tether connected to me was extended upward with me at both ends. It startled the hell out of me. I was at the same time watching me in a diner talking to someone I did not know while also watching myself lying in the bed. I was fearful my connection would break and I had to will myself back. Like a sudden pop of a bubble I was back in the bed, back to myself. I told my wife about it and she thought I was hallucinating. I don’t and have never done any kind of drugs. We never talked about it again. I’m now 80 years old and still wonder what…
I ordered a book about near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me.
No one asked me. I have gone code blue (died) at least three times in my life. The last time I was kept in a medically induced coma for a month. I am different. I love my family more; I am more aware of people’s emotions and intent. I have a type of compassion toward others that I never had. I call out evil when I see it and many times the person who is evil does not wee that they are evil. I am comfortable in my skin and I do not fear death. Death is part of living.
In many cases, observations of the body that seem to originate from outside the body are actually drug induced hallucinations or mental aberrations brought on by anesthetic. In some cases they may actually be dreams that originate from wishful thinking, cultural expectations or a desire to be important in the eyes of others. There is no scientific evidence for second sight. There are, however, very many cultural explanations. Most of these point to demonic influences….lies forced upon the innocent or illiterate person by spiritual entities that are not at all concerned with the truth of things. Lest the reader assume I speak without personal experience let me say I speak the truth of what I also know…beyond the physical realm.
I had a non-OBE NDE as a child, followed two decades later by a remarkable spiritual awakening, the latter of which even after four decades I still struggle to integrate. Religious frameworks have been both helpful and challenging.
Hilarious. Glass half empty or full? People realize during a near death event that life goes on. That’s a major bummer for a lot of people. Headline sounds like “Shh! Don’t tell anyone what’s really going on!” i.e.; “One in five experiencers report losing friends, (who don’t believe them) family closeness, (who are upset that the person is no longer stressed) or even marriages after their return.” (David Bennett’s wife slapped him when she told him about his NDE “Voyage of Purpose”)
“Validation, not therapy alone, makes the biggest difference in recovery and reintegration.” (Hello? The mental construct of how the planet works, isn’t how it works.) “Doctors still get it wrong: most lack training to support people shaken by what they saw “on the other side.” (No, really? As Dr. Greyson noted “my scientific bias prevented me from seeing the data” (AFTER) “For many, it takes years to merge two worlds — the peace they glimpsed and the life they returned to.” (Um… yeah. Like every institution that is on the planet is based on a false observation of reality – everything is haywire – all the institutions are upside down and backwards, education, justice, law… it’s mind bending that they would choose to emphasize the “negative aspects of revealing what happened.” Try to see that the data, research experience is “life enhancing” – and can be beneficial to the person who realizes that consciousness is not confined to the brain. My two cents.
This is the best post and mimicks my take 100%…well said! ????????
Recovery is the role of healers not doctors.
I stumbled upon the Jeffmara podcast on Youtube. There are so many incredible accounts of what’s on the other side. I find it inspiring. There is also the book called Life after Life by Dr. Raymond Moody. I used to be an agnostic. Not anymore.
Whatever crackpottery exists in the world today, you can be sure it got its start on Boobtube, I mean Youtube, LOL.
Childish nonsense, why is ever life after death experience always described using language and imagery from the corporeal world? Everything humanity knows is based on our senses; after brain death, which none of these people experienced by the way because if they had done, they would be dead for real, all the sense that create our reality cease to be at brain death, fact. Anything that exists outside of our 5 senses would be so alien to us that wouldn’t posses the vocabulary to explain it, I’ve had dreams that were so real I still see them as clearly as memories of actual events, they weren’t, just like these people didn’t see the nonexistent afterlife. This is the result of religious brainwashing since birth, and too much Hollywood.
curious if the those who suffered cardiac arrest truly “felt it” or just felt it after they were told what happened… I can only imagine the feelings of being temporarily dead. There is zero way to sympathize or empathize with these patients unless you’ve been through it yourself. Which is why generally the best counselors and coaches are those that have been through it themselves. Maybe these folks can start a group to truly help others.
After doing a 5th Step in the 12 Step recovery process over 30 years ago I had an eyes-open altered state of consciousness/vision. I saw three figures. One was in a brown and tan robe. The sleeves and edges were brown, and the center was tan. He wore a rope of super shiny gold around his waist. He had brown hair and a beard. He was flanked by two shadowy white figures. It’s hard to explain but the this was more real than anything I had ever seen on Earth. No words were exchanged but I was totally cleansed of all negativity and what could be called sin. It was like a stong breeze went through my body. These beings sent pure love to me. It only lasted several seconds. When it was over, the person I was with asked “What happened?” I told him and he said something like, “Wow, that’s fantastic”. I am hesitant to say the person was Jesus but it felt that way although none of the persons identified themselves. Needless to say, it changed my life. I did not have too much difficulty because I was single and people in AA supported me because Bill Wilson had a similar experience. People that saw me afterwards said, “What happened to you? You look different”. I rode the joy and peace of the experience for about a year. The story of Jesus’s transfiguration helped me cope with the not so “real world”. Peter wanted to stay on the mountain top but had to go back down. I relate to that. My story is published in piece of AA literature. The edited this part of my story to read, “I then had a profound spiritual experience”. I recently began a second career as a mental health counselor. I wish there was a way to let people know that I will believe them if they need help dealing with it
I was an aura photographer for almost 20 years. I met a lot of people who had had NDE’s. I wish I had kept a journal. Almost all had very positive experiences. They all described the light and and overwhelming peacefulness and love. Most were given a choice to return to the physical life. Mothers all wanted to come back to look after their families. Some were told to go back, it wasn’t their time yet. They still had work to do…….probably finding their true path.
One man was angry that he had to come back. He wanted to stay. One sweet little older lady said she came back to take care of her husband. He didn’t know how to write checks so she couldn’t abandon him. That’s love
The aura colors around most of these people were very peaceful light blues. No fears. They no longer feared dying. Their vibrations were much much higher
There are several books available with lots of NDE stories. One was made into a documentary. Dannion Brinkley I believe was his name. He was a sniper in the military. After his NDE events, 2 times I believe, he started setting up hospice centers around the country.
I’m sure with Mr Google you can find lots and lots of these stories. Pretty fascinating. It may change how you view life, what’s important and real.
Thank you reading this. I felt I needed to add my two cents worth
I was i a car accident at age 19 and had a near death experience (I wrote a short story thats been on Amazon for years, named “Two Minutes At The Gate”, about my experience. ) Many have slightly different events but all have many similarities. Good article.
after reading I am left with feeling – the article is aimed at making this experience a Bad thing.
LOL yes!!!! Bad spin on a misunderstanding of a someone else’s experience.
No mention of religious counseling or interest in seeking help and insights from religious sources. Odd, given the often spiritual nature of NDEs.
I had the same thought and found the lack of mention or religion jarring. We hear about childhood happiness, but not religion either before or after the NDE.
This brings up the problem common to all health care. The providers rarely know what they are doing. They misdiagnose up to 70% of the time, don’t know the best treatments and don’t listen well. No surprise they are completely inept dealing with near death experiences.