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NEW YORK — Do Americans really know everything about their significant other? A new survey finds one in four adults in a relationship admit they’re hiding a secret from their partner.
The poll of 2,000 sexually active adults also found that 26% of those in relationships admit their partner doesn’t know their true “body count” — the number of people they’ve been intimate with throughout their lifetime. While a majority of these respondents said this is because their partner never asked (60%), another 16% admit they’ve lowballed their number when asked.
While most Americans in relationships say they know how many people their partner has been with romantically, one in nine still question whether or not their partner is lying. So, what could the real number be? The survey conducted by Talker Research for LELO found that the average American has been intimate with 14 people.
Two in three think the “body count” of someone they’re in a serious relationship with is vital information, and another 56% think it’s crucial to know this even if they’re only in a casual relationship.
Eight in 10 singles claim they’d be honest with their partner about the number of people they have been with (83%), but fewer want to know how many lovers their partner has had (62%). They may have the chance to put it all out there soon: more singles say they’re interested in serious intimacy in the upcoming year than they were this past year (40% vs. 33%).
Reflecting on their sex lives, a fifth of respondents are embarrassed by the number of people they have been intimate with. While a similar percentage wish they were intimate with more people (19%), a quarter actually wish they had jumped in bed with fewer people.
“We believe in the power of embracing your sexual desires and being unashamed of taking care of your needs,” says Luka Matutinović, chief marketing officer at LELO, in a statement. “Open and honest communication about sexual needs is essential for a thriving relationship.”
Currently, one in eight are dissatisfied with their sex lives, and timing has a lot to do with it. The poll finds 42% admit they’re not as sexually active as they’d like to be. Finding time is a challenge for 21%, with the average American sharing that they last had sex 10 days ago.
Just because they’re doing the deed doesn’t mean they’re having the best time, though. Another 24% said it’s been at least a month since they’ve had “good” sex — including 20% of those in committed relationships. Although most would grade their most recent lover as an “A or higher” (55%), another 31% rated the sex they recently had as just average, in the B or C range.
Americans add that awkward moments like “when I fell out of bed,” “he got a nosebleed,” or “falling asleep during the encounter” have also played a role in how long it’s been since they last had “good” sex. However, these conversations are never easy to have: one in seven would not be honest with a partner if they were unhappy with their sex life.
More than a quarter of those surveyed think it’s offensive to receive feedback from a partner after sex (27%), and 23% are speaking from experience after a partner told them they were dissatisfied. Some of the most difficult feedback to grapple with was that their partner was “getting tired of doing the same thing,” they’ve “had better,” or that they “did not live up to expectations.”
To protect their lover’s feelings, 59% admit they’ve withheld feedback about how satisfied they were after sex.
Survey methodology
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 sexually active Americans; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Sept. 19 and Sept. 23, 2024.
