It’s no secret that relationships are hard. After the initial infatuation wears off and the “honeymoon phase” passes, what determines whether a couple stays together or breaks up relies on a variety of factors. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Utah found that some of the most common factors that prompted breakups were having issues with a partner’s personality, feeling a lack of trust, and experiencing partner withdrawal. If you’ve decided it’s time to end things with your partner you might not be sure how to break up.
There is no secret recipe or exact rulebook that can guarantee your breakup will turn just how you’ve imagined it in your head. Every couple’s circumstances are different, and the emotional impact the change will have on you can be significant. But breakups are a natural part of life in your journey to find a life partner.The average American adult has been through three major relationship break-ups and spent more than a year and a half of their lives getting over them, new research by OnePoll finds.
Despite how painful a breakup might be, you can still approach the situation with compassion and maturity. StudyFinds has compiled a list of best ways to help you through your breakup. Our list is made up of the top 5 recommended tips across 10 expert websites. We hope that no matter how hard this transition is for you, you find healing!
Been through a breakup of your own and have advice for others? Drop your own tips in the comments below!
The List: Best Ways To Break Up With Someone, Per Love Pros
1. Be sure of your decision
Make sure you give the relationship your all before leaving. Do your best to work out any issues you and your partner might have to the best of your ability and communicate your grievances before making a decision. “Actively trying to better the relationship – such as working on breaking unhealthy habits or trying couples therapy –before you end it for good can help you avoid ‘could haves’ and ‘should haves’ that you might dwell on down the line,” advises Insider.
Breaking up with someone you care about shouldn’t be taken lightly. Take the time to slow down and not let your emotions cloud your judgment. Develop a step-by-step plan of action. “Having a well thought out breakup also means that breaking up shouldn’t be a rash decision made in the midst of an argument, or a card you play in an attempt to control your partner,” writes Glamour.
2. Approach the situation with compassion
Remember that there will be a whirlwind of emotions on both sides! Be candid, but kind. There is no such thing as the “perfect” breakup, but you can choose how you handle it. “Be prepared that your partner may be very hurt and in shock, and need time and space to process the news and how they’d like to manage communication,” writes The Cut. “You’ll likely get emotional too. Your partner was your emotional home, the person you depended on, and with whom you shared your life.”
Both you and your partner will be going through the same emotions and handling the same logistics, regardless of who is doing the breaking up. “The prospect of separation is daunting and unsettling for most of us, as it calls into question our own identities—who we were before we settled down with our other halves and who we will be going forward,” says Newsweek.
3. Always end the relationship in person
Show your partner the respect they deserve by choosing a neutral, private location that will make the breakup as smooth as possible. If you think your partner is going to be emotional, it’s not fair to put them on the spot in public, where it ends up turning into a display in front of other people,” explains Bustle. “It impacts the kind of discussion the two of you are able to have, and can even hinder the emotions that deserve to be expressed in this conversation.”
There might be a few exceptions to the in-person rule, such as if you are leaving an emotionally or physically abusive relationship and don’t feel safe. “Aside from that, a phone-based breakup may be okay if you’re dating long-distance, or if you’ve only seen each other a few times,” writes Time. “For very new dating situations that have only lasted a date or two, you can even get away with a text.”
4. Don’t try to remain in contact
It can be helpful for both sides to take some time away from each other, even if your first instinct is to seek comfort from the person you care about. “Cut off contact for some time after the breakup, to show respect for your partner’s feelings and to indicate that things have changed permanently,” writes Psychology Today.
Though in some cases exes can remain friends, this usually rarely occurs until some time has passed and both parties have had a chance to heal. EHarmony says to “make the split a clean break and it will heal cleaner and likely quicker. We suggest unfollowing your ex on all social media and even deleting their number if you have to.”
5. Take space to heal and move forward
Breaking up doesn’t always have to be an entirely negative experience. Use the opportunity to grow. “Think about all of the things you are now free to be, do, and have, after breaking up. Go on a rampage of thoughts that activate happy vibes. Tomorrow’s experiences are always created from the thoughts you are thinking today,” writes Cosmopolitan.
Never let the fear of being single hold you back – sometimes learning to be happy alone can be empowering. Get back into the dating scene at your own pace. “Learning how to be comfortable being single can be easy for some. For others, it’s a real uphill battle. Instead of focusing on who you are going to date next, take a step back and take a moment to try new things and explore,” writes Vice.
Note: This article was not paid for nor sponsored. StudyFinds is not connected to nor partnered with any of the brands mentioned and receives no compensation for its recommendations.