Elderly couple
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More older adults prefer ‘living apart together,’ study shows

November 17, 2020
by Daniel Steingold

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Perhaps love and marriage don’t go together like a horse and carriage after all. A new study finds that older Americans looking for love are latching onto a new trend that tempers the demands of a committed relationship, a phenomenon known as “Living Apart Together,” or “LAT.”

Spurred by a divorce rate that has doubled among this demographic since 1990, many older singles — often divorced or widowed — have taken on “an intimate relationship without a shared residence.” New research was conducted upon the increasingly popular relationship arrangement among those 50 years of age or older.

According to Jacquelyn Benson, a researcher at the University of Missouri who is entrenched in the topic, LAT has long been an established phenomenon in Europe. Only in recent years is the trend reaching the United States en masse.

“What has long been understood about late-in-life relationships is largely based on long-term marriage,” Benson explains in a release. With marriage rates amongst older Americans declining, she argues that “if more people— young and old, married or not— saw LAT as an option, it might save them from a lot of future heartache.”

LAT couples want independence, but should still discuss end-of-life care

For their study, Benson and another researcher interviewed adults who were at least 60 years of age and in committed relationships, yet didn’t live together. From their interactions with this demographic, the two researchers found that there were a number of motivating factors for a LAT-type relationship.

A major theme seemed to be independence— older couples wanted their family and finances to remain separate from their partner. A stigma revolving around living together and not being wed at an older age also played a factor; many expressed that describing their partner as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” would feel awkward.

Benson, who is continuing her research, points out how she hopes to help discover and resolve issues pertaining to LAT arrangements and late life imperatives, such as end-of-life planning and caregiving.

“Discussions about end-of-life planning and caregiving can be sensitive to talk about; however, LAT couples should make it a priority to have these conversations both as a couple and with their families,” she says. “Many of us wait until a crisis to address those issues, but in situations like LAT where there are no socially prescribed norms dictating behavior these conversations may be more important than ever.”

The study is published in the journal Family Relations.

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Comments

  2. It may be the trend, but I suggest it’s not a good one. As a man who married a woman in the past 11 years when we were 66 and 56, respectfully, the benefits of total commitment are extremely positive. I cannot imagine attempting to carry on a committed relationship while living apart. Just the element of companionship cannot be at a level of satisfaction when it is severely limited by distant homes. All that we do for each other on a daily basis would mostly be missed if I lived away from her. From taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning, making the bed to just watching TV together on a daily and routine basis would be difficult to accomplish apart. If you are a couple who does not want each other to be helpful on a routine basis, I can understand such a decision. But you are going to miss an almost infinite number of helpful things we do for each other. Some are small and almost unnoticed. Others are big and life-saving (she insists on feeding me healthy foods which I would never eat on my own.) I would not trade my marriage for the independence of living separately. Plus, I enjoy her company, even if I’m downstairs and she is upstairs. I can always go upstairs, which I think I will do right now. Bye!

      8. Etymologically speaking, “bye” IS a complete sentence. “Bye” is a short form of “Good-bye,” our modern version of “God be with you,” which is, indeed, a complete sentence, even though it may seem incomplete, with its imperative verb.

      9. goodbye
        /ˌɡʊdˈbaɪ/
        sentence substitute
        1.
        farewell: a conventional expression used at leave-taking or parting with people and at the loss or rejection of things or ideas

      11. Etymologically speaking, “bye” is not a complete sentence. In distinction, “Bye!” is a complete sentence. So entomologically speaking, if an ant writes “Bye!”, he or she wrote a complete sentence, even if he or she is an atheist.

      16. Yup. @carlos_Broker needs a Safe Place and a binky to suck on….aaawwww!!!! Miserable Leftists out themselves all the time.

      21. Facebook idea was thieved from two men, twins in fact, the Winklevoss brothers. They were on the U.S. Rowing Team. They sued Zuckerbury and received $160 MILLION settlement. The C.I.A. funded and put together the infrastructure of FB during a program know as IN-Q-TEL. They then gave F.B. to Zuckerburg so he would be their stooge. Zuckerburg was also given a plaque by the C.I.A. for his part in spying on the American people for the C.I.A.

      22. Chris Wallace now heads the most famous Family name in Fake News
        The Mike Wallace Fake News Generator, Inc
        / . fake news that will drive them crazy

      23. honorable mention
        Fox Sunday Morning News
        also can claim the launching of Megan Kelly’s lust filled career
        Sunday mornings are so enlightening
        i can hardly wait

      24. Surely he is second to Chris Como of fake news Clinton News Network CNN. Have you seen Como saying it is illegal for anyone but the Jew owned media outlets to look at the Wikileaks e-mail hacks? It is on YouTube.

      25. Reading comprehension is not your strong suit is it?
        He was telling us, the readers, BYE. He is leaving us to go upstairs to see his wife.

      26. My brother is married to a Thai woman. His duty he’s learned is to work until he dies (possibly the sooner the better.) “Bye” in that case might be hilarious and possibly quite a relief!

    3. Please, if you do not marry, see that you execute powers of medical and financial attorney for your loved ones. As long as they are still capable, it is a simple legal filing. If you are not married, and something unexpected occurs, you may find yourself unable to carry out your partner’s wishes, or your own, while dealing with the crisis.

      1. 2nd sentence of MMichaelH comment: “As a man who married a woman in the past 11 years when we were 66 and 56, respectfully, the benefits of total commitment are extremely positive.”

      2. Those may be exactly some of the ‘entanglements’ those choosing to live separately are seeking to avoid. Much easier to move on to the next ‘experience’ if not all co-mingled.

    4. My friends and I all want to be married on the national guard plan. 1 weekend a month. Two weeks in the summer.

      3. i agree as a 58 year old male recently divorced the mingling of money and finance and family’s is of concern. better to just enjoy the company not the joining!

      4. I have had woman mad because I will not commit to more but that is exactly how I feel
        Carl. Don’t want to merge finances and life decisions with another person at my age (63).

      5. To make it work you must be close to your family. In my case my sister as we both live in the same city. Because at some being alone is depressing and dating is hard work after over 30 years of marriage! There are very few love story movies with alimagtaw and Ryan O’Neal date movies. Lol

      8. lol, my exwife choose to RIF me mid-career, ETS’d at forty one with just over 10 years service. Since then I haven’t felt the need to take on the financial risk of another marriage and I honestly don’t really see that changing in the future. As I rapidly approach fifty I find that I really enjoy living alone, I wouldn’t mind having a steady lady friend, but she’d have to be something really special before I put her on paper and essentially gave her all my stuff.

      9. If you are not planning to have kids what is the point of getting married Bobby? You won’t have financial problems with them since they are not attached to you legally and it should make a later life relationship better. Nothing to fight about. If a woman wants to get married she can just pass me by. Marriage mostly causes problems.

      11. I respectfully disagree. My husband and I were married for 26 years when he suddenly decided he “didn’t want to be married anymore” and went to live with his mother. I make a decent amount of money (considerably more than he does) and had always provided the health insurance. He ferreted money away during our marriage, and kept me poor. When we got divorced, he got half of everything. Even my retirement. I am older (60) than he is, and he refused to save anything for retirement, until his current employer forced him to do so. I may never be able to retire. I got the house, but only because I had a small inheritance from my my mother, and paid him for it. My bank actually helped him take the money, which they knew was mine, because I told them, and quietly set up a separate account with his and his mother’s names on it. Everything definitely benefited him, not me.

      12. You sure you weren’t actually married to another woman? Holy cow, I’ve never…and I mean -ever- heard of that happening in reverse like that. This is usually the story from men about thier X’s.

      13. This has been happening more in the last decade or so. All of those laws put on the books that gave women in general better outcomes in such cases are gender neutral, and crafty attorneys for men married to more successful women can use the same laws to the favor of their clients so long as the courts aren’t radically activist to the Left.

      14. My sister in law is a paralegal at a law firm who only does divorces and custody issues. She said the same thing. The lawyers she works for also told her its really important to seek out the Family Court judges who are known to be fair. It is coming around, as it should.

      15. It does happen. I might even know this lady.
        It is exactly what happened to a friend of my wife’s.

      17. Happens all the time. Most woman live below poverty level after divorce after living middle class raising a family & working. Average woman works 15 yrs less due to raising family starting &stopping employment having kids.

      18. The rate is high. Stand up women are too mortified to discuss it for the most part, and are too busy blaming themselves.

      23. That’s very rare, but does show you what its like to men. Tell all your friends who are thinking of divorce.

      24. I’m glad to hear you got screwed…it’s about time women live the insanity that the majority of men have been going through since 1970.

      26. With a law adopted in 1969, California, led by Ronald Reagan, became the first U.S. state to permit no-fault divorce.[5] California’s law was framed on a roughly contemporaneous effort of the non-governmental organization National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws, which began drafting a model of no-fault divorce statute for states to consider in 1967.[6]

      27. So, you know her personally to know she’s a bad person, or are you just a bitter jerk who got screwed over in a divorce.

      28. I don’t have to know her to know that she got screwed according to her….maybe her ex has another story that shows something different…do you know her ex?? Have you talked to him? Maybe she’s an asshole. For her to have gotten screwed in the so called courts of equity, she must have been a real trouble maker.

      29. I call BS here. There was a LOT of discovery during my divorce, And believe me, if any money was ferreted away or taken, that would have been accounted for. Also, though she didn’t work, the court in Pennsylvania “felt compassion” for her and awarded me almost all the debt.

        Family law in the US definitely favors the female. I am, however, sorry to see you or anyone destroyed in family court. In your case, i think you could sue your divorce lawyer for malpractice

      30. If the wife or husband sacrifices career to raise a family and is out of the workforce for years, either will be awarded compensation or half of assets depending on the length of marriage. Also skillset of each considered.

      31. WTF difference does “skill set” have to do with anything? My ex chose to party her life away and was on welfare with two children when I met and married her with a career and work already established. She sacrificed exactly nothing. Your argument is nothing but liberal, equality of outcome BS. You, and those who think like you, are the problem. I’ll bet you’re a gold digger or divorce attorney.

      32. None of the above. I was referring to either the wife or the husband that choose to raise the family and forgo a career. That’s what the courts look at as well as ability to support yourself and family. I’m conservative and have worked since I was 12 literally. Have supported others have not participated in any “gold digging”. Created jobs for others and take care of others. Nope not an attorney either.

      33. Well you are right Kma. I know a man who worked and put himself through school and when he got divorced he had to pay for his ex to get some sort of training. She was a beautician when they were married. Can’t speak to the lady’s skills or work ethic as I didn’t know her but her ex seemed to indicate she was capable of making a very good living at the trade IF she worked. As part of his divorce agreement he had to pay so much a year for 4 years for education & additional training for her. He was angry that the money was never used for any education or training.

      34. Wisconsin is the same.The woman is automatic victim even if they had an affair that ended the marriage . let’s not forget here people women initiate 70% of all divorces why? Ever hear the statement;Your not the man I married ?? translation: I am unable to make you into what I think you should be so I am done with you!! “To the curb”!!The financial rewards are appealing and great. The the kids suffer fail in school and have problems the rest of their lives. NO sympathy given here for the HANDFUL of women who have a taste of what most men experience in a divorce. I am not speaking of losers who do not work or live off of the government i am talking about the men who earn a living and support their family financially and emotionally. We are OVERNIGHT converted from a parent to simply an uncle that pays!!!!!!!!

      37. I think the concept of splitting assets at divorce is very unfair. In this day and age it should just be if you want to split you walk away with what you make and nothing more. As an aside, I think three bank accounts would have solved a lot of problems. his account, her account, and a joint account (that wouldn’t drain you if you lost it). Leave it to the other person on your death until then, keep it your own.

      38. A smart woman would never fall into the trap of splitting assets. Once when my wife started talking about divorce I laid out the facts. First I take half of everything and my Social Security check along with it. I have no doubt whatsoever I would do fine. My wife on the other hand with her severely limited skill set would be dependent on someone else for car repairs, home repairs, lawn care and dozens of other things her husband now takes care of for her. After thinking about it for a day or two her whole attitude changed. She no longer threatens me with divorce no matter how mad I make her.

      40. I think so and evidently my wife agrees so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I know who I am, what my abilities are, my short comings and what I believe in. With GOD’s help I am very successful and have a very good life. I am more of a gift than a prize.

      41. Well, when I was young I had a wife probably much like yours. She was a blessing, although she left everything to me, which was quite exhausting. I told her what to do and she proudly did it. She died when she was 42.
        I actually married her best friend. That’s two wonderful wives in one lifetime. Yet, they are almost opposites of each other. I would never dream of telling my current wife what to do. It is really never called for, since she knows what to do already.
        Yet, they both love me.
        Imagine that.
        Your comment, was just a bit boorish, even though I am sure you are both as happy as things ever allow. It was your over-the-top boorishness on such a subject that elicited my comment, not your marriage. Although I hate PC.
        It never helps to boast of being a mere brute, which is the way I read it.

      42. That isn’t what I was shooting for. Boorish and brutish. Probably a little bit of both. I just find it difficult to suffer fools.

      44. We just got back from a 4 day camping trip. We live in a nice paid for home in N. Texas. She has not been employed for 5 years and does pretty much whatever she pleases. All made possible by investments in real estate and precious metals which I made over the last 30 years. Why would she leave? What have you got going for you?

      45. Sounds like you’ve done well. Your comments & verbage sounded threatening towards your wife. Commenting “she won’t leave no matter how mad I make her”. I was referring to emotional respect rather than material “stuff”. As for my family & myself we’ve worked our way to secure our lives on our own, and kids doing the same by example.

      46. Jeez Dave, why don’t you shock the heck out of this poor woman buy some roses, and take her out for a Valentines Day dinner? I bet she will be totally speechless.

      47. I would much rather argue with the feminazi lemmings than waste my money on trying to please or placate them. I am pleasantly surprised they haven’t launched into a vulgar tirade. Not yet that is.

      49. I still do love her but I refuse to be anything other than head of my household. And no one, not the Jewopoly media and not the Roman Catholic Church are going to tell me what my relationship with my wife should be. I am a WASP and damn proud of it.

      50. Well there you are! ………. Even though you are all bristly and brusk you can still admit you DO love her. And I would venture to guess that this woman, with her “limited skill set” might say the same about you even though such a catch as you say you are may make her crazy. Everybody is happy in their own way.

      52. The Jews that own MSM and the entertainment industry have a Satanic agenda. With the Feminist Movement, a C.I.A. psyop ran through the Ford Foundation they created a new class of victim. All women are now told how abused and unhappy they are. All because of male chauvanism. The Hegelian Dialectic of control. Problem Reaction Solution The Communists will use any trick in the book to destroy the current system.

      53. Exception, not the rule. Now you know why we all want divorces where you get out what you put in.

      54. Sounds like role reversal. Apparently you drew a judge who was tired of seeing the husband get screwed and decided to even the scales a little……at your expense. Sucks to be you. Believe me, though, it doesn’t usually go that way.

      56. Try it sometime, hon. See how you like being robbed in open court. Then come back and tell me how much you enjoyed the experience.

      59. Sorry to hear that. You are part of small percent of women that get burned. The majority of time it’s the men that get burned.

      62. It’s not karma. You did nothing to bring that on. Blaming women who are stand up for those who aren’t is just axe grinding. I hope you meet someone with whom combined resources enable both of your happy retirements. That’s what you deserve.

      66. 100% true!!! have kids? you get crucified. want to be equal put play victim card at the divorce hearing

      70. Well Annabel I have been married more than once and find full time life with a woman more than I want to deal with. If you want a friend, lover, confidant then I am there but I like having my home and life also. If that is not what someone else wants that is fine, they are entitled to search for their happiness also.

      71. As an ex-military retiree that is funny, of course many civilians don’t have a clue what you are talking about.

      72. I made my second wife wait 6 years before I asked her to marry me after an 18 year marriage. I too was dumped. And, it was worth it. We’ve now been together almost 20.

      73. Those stories are quite common. I guess that’s why they call it “common law marriage”! (I know why it really is, so don’t any wiseguys correct me. It’s a joke, son.)
        I knew a gentleman in his late eighties who had been married five years and his wife disappeared. He found a girlfriend who lived with him unmarried for over fifty years. He always said that the thought they didn’t have to put up with each other helped them get by. They both had awful tempers.
        He treated her quite well in his will, leaving her the house and all the things that he felt were really hers, and a nice chunk of his personal dough, but she never got the family business, which went to his son (from the first wife) who worked like a lifetime like a dog to become the owner. It was the most just settlement I ever heard of. Both sides got exactly what they deserved.
        How often does that happen, once the stupid courts get involved?

      74. Did 20+, was going for 30, she declined reenlistment…as it was my 1st hitch, it wasn’t ‘bohica’ but rather just ‘bo’…and yes, the courts today want any man that worked, saved, and has assets worth taking to do their best Ned Beatty impersonation and squeal like a pig… 🙁 Run that risk again at 50+ years of age? Oh hell no!

      76. As a 68 year old senior male, I have to agree with that. I have had my share of women. The older I get, the less they have to offer me. Companionship? I am my own best friend.

      78. You finally learned….it’s not worth it as you get older. In fact, it’s not worth it when you’re young either…the younger ones will learn the hard way.

      82. I am 65 and after a finacially devastating divorce I have choen to live alone and its WONDERFUL!! I eat when I am hungry sleep when I am tired . No stress at all. I’ve met several women online that prefer to libe alone but when we want sex or just companiondhip we get together.

      85. sue it’s nice to have your personal slave (aka wife) to care for a you – but women finally smartened up. i would never fall into a trap of marriage knowing what’s in store for a wife – but sure married if i were a man.

      87. Slave? There is a reason why divorce rates skyrocketing coincides with the birth and rapid growth of the militant feminism movement. A man working his butt off with the ability to fully focus on his job and the confidence that his wife was handling the home front allowed America to be at its best. Kids being raised by hourly wage daycare workers and couples both working full time has ruined the nuclear family. Women did not smarten up, they were fooled into thinking that being a mother and wife was beneath them. In truth, it I is the single most important thing a woman can contribute to a family and the continuance of our values and culture.

        In exchange for what my loving wife commits to our family, I work relentlessly, providing security, wealth and a platform to launch our children towards an adulthood of prosperous self reliance and an appreciation for a traditional family.

        Seems like a pretty fair and honorable arrangement to me. I can see no possible reason to marry a woman that is career driven with no desire to give up their job to be a wife and mother.

        Restore the patriarchy!

      89. Excellent post. Very few people see the nuclear family in an historical context. Feminism/liberalism has led to the decline in the strong nuclear middle class family, and the end of a strong middle class culture.

      90. The Feminist movement was sponsored through the Ford Foundation and the C.I.A. which is totally controlled by Zionist Jews just like the Federal Reserve.

      92. It isn’t racist and it isn’t a mistake to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. How about you grow a backbone instead of acting like Pavlo’s dog and jump to assumptions like trained Jew apologists always do. Attack the message. Not the messenger. Prove me wrong.

      94. Cut and paste any quote I have posted into a Webcrawler search and it will take you to the source which is 436quotesbyandaboutjews. Do not use Google. Brin is a part of the Zionist control matrix.

      95. Zionists are NOT a race of people. They are a cabal of individuals who adhere to a political agenda of natural supremacy affirmed by a theocratic base in ancient Judaism. Zionists have more-or-less hijacked the Jewish faith and use it as religious cover for their covert program of world domination. They also appear to share a common origin from the now-defunct Khazarian empire that disintegrated in the 12th century A.D. with a resultant diaspora into the European nations. Not all Jews are Zionists, but all upper-echelon Zionists do appear to be Jewish. There are also some small groups of misguided Christians who are Zionist “useful idiots” like the John Charles Hagee crowd in San Antonio, Texas. But Zionism is the most dangerous evil that threatens White, Christian, Western civilization today. More so than even Radical Islam. They are to be recognized and fought against as the evil that they truly represent.

      96. Christian Zionist is an oxymoron. There are an estimated 60 million oxymoronic Zionist Christians in the U.S. All made possible by the central bank controlled by Rothschild Zionist Jews a.k.a. the Federal Reserve. Anything could happen should they ever feel threatened by the public or the government. I seriously believe that Israel is going to inveigle a war between the U.S. and Iran thus destroying the only remaining existential threat to Israel.

      98. Is that the best you can do? Pathetic. Perhaps this thread is too adult for you.

        27). “I fear the Jewish banks with their craftiness and
        tortuous tricks will entirely control the exuberant riches of
        America. And use it to systematically corrupt modern
        civilization. The Jews will not hesitate to plunge the whole of
        Christendom into wars and chaos that the earth should become
        their inheritance.” (Bismarck)

        Jones is a Zionist shill and his interview with David Duke proves it. The fact that Infowars has removed David Duke’s appearance is more evidence that Infowars is shilling for the Zionists that control every important institution in the U.S. Prove me wrong.

      100. And your intellectual abilities compare to the man responsible for unifying Germany into the modern state it is today? Otto Von Bismarck was much more educated and much more worldly than you. Therefore I take his remarks under critical consideration and easily see that he was right. Try this annabel. Webcrawler “436quotesbyandaboutjews” I think you will be amazed and baffled by how little you truly know about the Jews. A mind like a parachute works much better when it is open. Don’t let your ignorance and brainwashing stop you from knowing the truth.

      101. Alex Jones was married (now divorced) to a Jewish woman. His children all attend a Jewish day school. Alex Jones himself is an Israeli shill that will not criticize Israel on the public platform of his Internet radio program Infowars. Most of his sponsors and many of his chief employees are Jewish. Alex is embedded in Zionism.

      103. Women are so easily mislead because they think with their hearts and not their heads. They are emotional, impetuous and irrational but they excel at nurturing. What is truly incredible is how the likes of Gloria Steinem have managed to engender an undeserved hatred for all men except perhaps the homosexual and transgenders which the feminazi seem to wholeheartedly embrace.

      104. I will settle for restoring common sense. Women who think they can do it all (have a career, raise the kids at the same time) are not realistic. Somewhere, in some fashion, something has to give & it’s usually the interests of the kids. Motherhood should never be shamed in any way; meantime, women need to wake up & quit falling for the feminist BS that permeates the arena of ideas.

      105. “Please post links to reliable sources that back up your relentless “it’s the Jooooooooos” rhetoric.”

      106. I have done research here & there but it’s really incumbent upon you to provide links or others are just going to dismiss your input as useless while others will label you (perhaps correctly) as someone with biased, antisemitic sentiments not to be taken seriously.

      107. One either has discernment or they don’t. I can plant the seed but I can’t make it grow. What is incumbent is for people to do their own research.

      108. There is a virtual ORGY of factual information out there that implicates the Jews in a conspiracy to dominate the world and to destroy White, Christian, European peoples. One would have to be blind to be ignorant of it! Just Google “Jewish Conspiracy” and you will more links than you can handle in 5 years time. Don’t place the burden on every individual blogger who makes the assertion that Zionists Jews are evil. Place it on yourself to research the issue like the rest of us have done. I am guessing that with a biblical name like “David” you are Jewish yourself. I hope you are a Sephardic, rather than Ashkenazi (Zionist), Jew. Odds are one to six against it.

      109. I suppose it is possible because my mother’s maiden name was Koch and she was born in New York. That being said my parents never said we were Jewish. When I read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion it became perfectly clear to me that the enemy are the Kabbalah mystery school Talmudic Luciferian Jews that get their power from ritual human sacrifice. They have been killing babies as a sacrifice to different pagan gods going all the way back to their Babylonian captivity between 416 and 486 B.C. Ritual human sacrifice is the number one reason they have been expelled from over 100 nations. There is a YouTube video of the Oprah Winfrey show interview with a Jewess that admits to murdering her own children for the Satanic cult she is a part of.

      110. I wonder how many kids raised by these hourly wage workers are showing signs of shaken baby syndrome as adults?

      112. Maybe in Islam the wife is a personal slave. Where the husband can beat you if you don’t care for him the right way. Otherwise, you are still free to do whatever you want. You are either a liar or an idiot.

      114. If you’ve provided a secure retirement for yourself, sorry but remind me, why would either man or woman want to share that and end up risking it in the process?

      115. I prefer the Marine Corp Reservist plan…. drill her once a month…. then go out for beers.

      116. You must be a member of the Milennial-retardo generation, meaning you have a difficult time relating to people, you feel as entitled as a 6-year-old and have the attention span of a gnat.

    5. If you can’t even eat healthy foods on your own… Sheesh, it sounds like you have a mommy replacement instead of a wife.
      My grandfather married after my grandmother died young, got divorced. Learned his lesson, lived out the rest of his days single. Then there was an old guy whose wife had died while he was in his 70s, he lived until 91 and never married again. He built quite a bit of wealth, but kept all the money grubbing widows at bay. He just saw it as his duty to keep his wealth intact for his kids and not risk it by marrying. The semi-retired school teacher around the corner was so frustrated that he wouldn’t marry her.

      1. he said he wouldn’t eat it on his own, not that he can’t prepare it.. There is more beauty there than a “mommy” situation that I feel you are missing.. But I can respect your POV here.. If the relationship is truly and purely on love, this action is merely preserving the companion you couldn’t imagine life without. I realize few relationships are actually like this, in which case, fending off would-be inheritors is also reasonable, but you shouldn’t miss the beauty of Micheal’s situation. Sounds like he appreciates the fact that she wants him to be healthy and as a result, eats crap he wouldn’t consider on his own. It isn’t always about financial unions good sir.

      2. What’s wrong with a prenup? It doesn’t preclude changing your mind if the situation warrants. In the senior years, each party has acquired whatever on their own, It seems totally unreasonable that they would just hand it over after a year or two.

      3. Courts don’t abide by prenups. Many divorced men get shellacked even with a prenup. Saying I don’t instead of I do is the best way.

      5. It’s that “women’s privilege” thing. Our society is still geared to favor them in divorces with alimony for life, half of all your stuff, etc. In court the judges still adhere to the immoral rule of “keeping her in a lifestyle she is accustomed to”, but usually that lifestyle, which involved not working, playing tennis five days a week, lunch with friends every day, was unaffordable and a contributing reason for the divorce. I say if they’re not handicapped, they shouldn’t get alimony, if they didn’t work and contribute they shouldn’t get half of everything. Women like to claim they are “feminists” and independent until it comes to divorce, then they have the entitlement mentality of a welfare recipient. Until that attitude and the attitude of the courts change, it is likely the trend toward not remarrying will only increase. Fool me once…

      7. Maybe when the government got even more involved in people’s private lives and declared same-sex partnerships could be called a “marriage” a lot of people decided the government wasn’t going to dictate the terms of their own relationships. The definition of marriage was spurned by the government so sensible folks will define their relationships without government ‘help.’ Makes as much sense to me as calling something a marriage which is not.

      9. Women don’t truly love men like we love them. If you suddenly can’t provide cash and prizes for them they’re gone POOF! They will move on amazingly fast and not give you a second thought while you have months or years of heartbreak. Hypergamy is real. You don’t have her, it’s just your turn. AWALT. But you can keep believing the Disney fairytale you are force fed Zero.

      11. My wife stuck with me through several lay-offs.. we lost of everything, several times due to “off-shoring” the jobs. Homeless for a month even! Not once did she even hint at unhappiness with me(obviously not excited at losing everything – but that is perfectly reasonable to me, who the hell would?).. This is the problem, too many people think they have love when they are in a financial union or totally forget the concept of gratitude.. It’s no fairy tale, believe me.. but neither of us EVER question the devotion of the other.. We are now doing fairly well financially and I rest easy knowing the money has absolutely NOTHING to do with the relationship.. (And I can assure you, back then, it did not appear that I would have any amount of success in some form of a “long bet” )

        Now, I do actually see where you are coming from.. I’ve seen petty whores devastate good, decent men.. I admit, I have found a rare and truly wonderful woman, but she isn’t a f***g unicorn! You HAVE to change your attitude friend.. Being this cynical won’t attract anyone decent and you will become your own self-fulfilling prophecy.. I sincerely hope that your life leads you to someone that will change this outlook..

        and F**K Disney for creating such an unrealistic image of happiness.. Real love is just like the original comment – eating crap you hate because it makes someone else happy, and in turn, they do something they don’t like for you.. Simple gratitude and reciprocation..

      12. Look at the number of beautiful and innocent little girls Disney has introduced to Satanic whoredom. Spears, Aguilara and the most recent success of the homosexual Jews that own the 10 largest Hollywood studios, Molly Cyrus. There are innumerable subliminal sexual messages hidden in Disney cartoons. YouTube has many videos that prove this fact.

      14. “spk53,” There are, sadly, truck loads of stories of adult kids who put pressure on the surviving parent to not consider any significant other, because they want to inherit as much as they can. Stories of them interfearing in the surviving parent’s social doings. There are good and bad stories involving what all takes place in people’s later years. “To each his own,” said the old lady who kissed her cow.

      15. Those green eyed bairns are precisely the reason the oldies ought to enjoy the fruits of their labors. Let them earn their own rather than parasitize off Grams or Gramps.

      1. “StartToStopTalking,” Go back and read slowly for comprehension. Are you twelve years old?

      2. Maybe they had sex almost every night. Almost on Monday… almost on Tuesday… almost on Wednesday…

    9. Being roughly the same age as you, married for approximately the same length of time, to a woman also ten years younger, I’d suggest that, if a couple are living separately, then they are not ‘committed’.

      1. that’s because your definition of ‘committed’ means living together. Others can, and do, define it differently, and live it differently. Two people can love each other, live apart, be happy … and be far more committed to each other, than many couples who live together.

      2. I’d posit that, because ‘some’ people living apart might be ‘more committed’ than ‘some people who live together’, is selective observation, and does not speak to ‘total commitment’.

      4. ‘Some’ couples who live apart end up killing each other, while ‘some’ couples who live together don’t. That’s basically the reverse of MB’s argument, and it proves nothing either way.

    10. You are a very, very lucky man–to have found happiness with an agreeable, affectionate woman. They’re an increasingly rare species, because of the relentless feminist brain-washing that most American women have been subject to in our culture. God bless you both.

      3. Where do women get these man hating views? Easy to prove. 96% of all media is in the hands of Jews. The 10 largest Hollywood studios are owned by homosexual Jew men. In fact the producer of X-Men, Brian Singer is being sued at this very moment for sodomizing 2 teenage boys in his hot tub.

      5. Once again. Prove me wrong. Otherwise you just look like an opportunistic apologist for the Jews that are wreaking havoc on America. Time for you to take off the Jew blinders.

        27). “I fear the Jewish banks with their craftiness and
        tortuous tricks will entirely control the exuberant riches of
        America. And use it to systematically corrupt modern
        civilization. The Jews will not hesitate to plunge the whole of
        Christendom into wars and chaos that the earth should become
        their inheritance.” (Bismarck)

        28). “The Christians are always singing about the blood.
        Let us give them enough of it! Let us cut their throats and
        drag them over the altar! And let them drown in their own blood!
        I dream of the day when the last priest is strangled on the
        guts of the last preacher.” (Jewish Chairman of the American
        Communist Party, Gus Hall).

        29). “Wars are the Jews harvest, for with them we wipe out
        the Christians and get control of their gold. We have already
        killed 100 million of them, and the end is not yet.” (Chief
        Rabbi in France, in 1859, Rabbi Reichorn).

        30). “We Jews regard our race as superior to all humanity,
        and look forward, not to its ultimate union with other races,
        but to its triumph over them.” (Goldwin Smith, Jewish Professor
        of Modern History at Oxford University, October, 1981)

        31). “We Jews, we are the destroyers and will remain the
        destroyers. Nothing you can do will meet our demands and needs.
        We will forever destroy because we want a world of our own.”
        (You Gentiles, by Jewish Author Maurice Samuels, p. 155).

        32). “We will have a world government whether you like it
        or not. The only question is whether that government will be
        achieved by conquest or consent.” (Jewish Banker Paul Warburg,
        February 17, 1950, as he testified before the U.S. Senate).

        33). “Your people are so paranoid, it is obvious we can no
        longer permit you to exist. We cannot allow you to spread your
        filthy, immoral, Christian beliefs to the rest of the world.
        Naturally, you oppose World Government, unless it is under your
        FascistChristian control. Who are you to proclaim that your
        ChristianAmerican way is the best? It is obvious you have never
        been exposed to the communist system. When nationalism is
        finally smashed in America. I will personally be there to
        firebomb your church, burn your Bibles, confiscate your firearms
        and take your children away. We will send them to Eastern Bloc
        schools and reeducate them to become the future leaders of a
        OneWorld Government, and to run our Socialist Republic of
        America. We are taking over the world and there is nothing you
        can do to stop us.” (Letter from a Spokane, Washington Jew to
        Christian Pastor Sheldon Emry).

        34). “We shall drive the Christians into war by exploiting
        their national vanity and stupidity. They will then massacre
        each other, thus giving room for our own people.” (Rabbi
        Reichorn, in Le Contemporain, July 1st, 1880)

      6. I already mentioned Bismark in another post.
        Gus Hall; He was a communist and didn’t care much for religion. Also, that quote wasn’t even originated from him. It was Diderot.
        I’ll give you Rabbi Reichorn, but modern jews, in the U.S. at least think he’s a nut job extremist. Not thousands of extremists. One.
        Sigh. Goldman was not jewish
        Another jewish guys opinion. Another Stormfront favorite.Enough said
        Paul Warburg If you ever bothered to read up more on him, besides White Nationalist publications, the “we” he was speaking of was the United Nations
        And the letter from a Spokane jew to a pastor? Are you seriously kidding me? What did she do? Sign it Sincerely Christian Hater? That’s the stupidest one of all. I can write to the local paper and bash the jews and claim I’m a christian

        You’ve got to get off The Stormfront, Rense, David Duke, the evils of zionism,The Daily Stormer and my favorite “Jews are doo, doo heads and I don’t like them so I’m going to stand in a corner and pout.

        I’m a lot of things, but uninformed and stupid and pathetic and not being an adult aren’t any of them

      7. Between 1918 and 1957 the Jew inspired Bolshevik Revolution resulted in the slaughter of 66 MILLION WHITE RUSSIAN CHRISTIANS. Deny it all you want but no other race and no other “racist” state, the JEWISH STATE OF ISRAEL has had a greater negative impact on world history.

        40). “Zionism was willing to sacrifice the whole of
        European Jewry for a Zionist State. Everything was done to
        create a state of Israel and that was only possible through a
        world war. Wall Street and Jewish large bankers aided the war
        effort on both sides. Zionists are also to blame for provoking
        the growing hatred for Jews in 1988.” (Joseph Burg, The Toronto
        Star, March 31, 1988).

        41). “There is scarcely an event in modern history that
        cannot be traced to the Jews. We Jews today, are nothing else
        but the world’s seducers, its destroyer’s, its incendiaries.”
        (Jewish Writer, Oscar Levy, The World Significance of the
        Russian Revolution)

        Albert Pike, 33 degree Freemason predicted 3 world wars in Morals and Dogma. Jews, as predicted by Pike will launch the world into World War 3. The final battle will be between political Zionism and fascist Islam. Of course you already know this. Right? And you have read The Project For a New American Century white paper produced by the Zionist think tank headed by Zionist Jew Paul Wolfowitz? Until you do you don’t know half the truth.

      8. OMG. Give it up already. I already spent an hour of research on your crap, my husband’s driving home in a blizzard and its the premiere of the second half of The Walking Dead. Dead fetid zombies interest me more than you.

      9. So now your own words show your true character. That insipid garbage that passes as entertainment is more deserving of respect than someone trying to wake you up from your Jew induced coma. You have a reprobate mind so I will not waste my time.

      10. Please post links to reliable sources that back up your relentless “it’s the Jooooooooos” rhetoric.

      11. Do your own research. It is the Jews and their own writings prove it. I can lead you to the facts but I can’t make you accept them.

      12. Cop out. I have done research & somehow I have come away with a POV that does not line up with yours one bit.

      13. How difficult can it be to “cut and paste” any quote I have posted into a Webcrawler search? Are you suffering from arrested development or just lazy?

    11. “Plus, I enjoy her company, even if I’m downstairs and she is upstairs.”

      So you actually DO enjoy being “away” from your spouse at times…

      THAT is the point of the whole story. It’s the amount of time you spend apart that is being considered and for some people, regardless of your personal preferences, they actually find it enhances their relationship NOT to have someone breathing down their neck 24/7. Takes all kinds.

    12. You don’t know how to make healthy food choices, cook, clean or make the bed on your own? You’re pathetic.

      1. You’re exactly right. My current girlfriend of 11 years had a husband that was cheating on her for 17 years of their 20 year marriage with tens of women.

    14. I have found the perfect happy medium. My girlfriend lives in the root cellar, and whenever I feel like I need company, I just remove the padlock.

    15. Well HM, I salute you and I salute your wife. You are one of the incredibly few people in our society that have found “true love”. Which I sincerely believe in by the way. But because of our totally screwed up societal “norms” (so called) remains illusive to the vast majority. Good for you.

    17. See how it works for YOU. What works for YOU may not work for ALL. Many people have been hurt many times and with the uncertainty of what our elected corrupted zionist communist supporting officials will do is unsettling to say the least.

    19. “All that we do for each other like taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning, making the bed”…. okay… we know what you do …. what about her?

    20. My parents will be married 70 years this month. I will be married 45 years this month. ‘Nuff said.

    21. No offense, but spoken like a true man. This study could go on to say that men are happiest when they are married. Women are happiest when they have a best friend in another woman not in a man. Kind of sad it does not work both ways.

    22. I am a jack of all trades except HVAC work for which one must have a license to buy freon. That being said, I once asked my wife during a heated argument, “Just what is it you do for me that I couldn’t do for myself?” Her answer. “Make love to you.” Must be a fairly even swap because we are still together after 35 years.

    23. Good for you. I like a little – no, make that a LOT – more independence in my life. The separate residence idea saved my marriage, and we’re both happier as a result.

    25. I am glad you are living is a dream. Wait till she serves you with divorce papers, The harsh reality of your former life will come crashing down on your head. All good things in life come to an end eventually. Women will lull you into a false sense of security, only to pull the rug out behind your feet. when you least expect it.

    26. Aww good for you! Probably the best thing for guys is the quality of meals when they are married or have a steady girlfriend ; )

    27. GOOD FOR YOU. however i will never marry again. i will never allow someone to have that much control over me to wreck me. i’ve been destroyed and come back from the ashes of those who used me for their benefit. it shall never happen again. i like separate homes. it gives me the space i need . when my S/O do get together, it is special and we enjoy one another’s time together… but live together? get married? legally allow someone else to own me like pair of shoes? no. apart, living the life of “LAT” as they put it, i establish the boundaries that keep me safe . i draw the line in the sand and no one shall cross …not even my g/f…or i’ll drop off the face of the planet and she wont even know where i am. i am this serious…no one will wreck me again…you learn this when you’ve fallen in love with a sociopath…and dont be so arrogant; it can happen to you! (the sociopath and my current g/f are not the same person.). you can allow someone to control you, that’s your choice. not for me

    29. I’ve done the same and about at the same ages.
      But, if my wife dies before me, I will not remarry.

      I’ve been married before and will not go thru that again if my present spouse dies.
      Further, many insurance issues and major financial issues will be thrown into a mess if I remarry again.
      I think I’d just stay in my home and let other relationships happen out side of marriage.
      Adults can share their lives together without getting the State or the Church’s approvals.

      1. For some strange reason the man may not be so interested in losing half his property again. The nerve of the SOB!

  4. Sounds to me like someone who never had a real job or could not get hired if they tried just latched on to some grant (TAX) money to get a paycheck. First, this implies that they each maintain their own homes: only the well-to-do can afford such arrangements today….a dwindling group, except for the 1% who have always lived this way. Second, the study actually implies that they refuse to make a commitment because of past experiences or greed: sorry, that implies it is for sex and not for love. This study is so bogus even fake MSM probably won’t touch it!

    1. Totally agree Jack. Now, there will be a “need” for further study. AKA more grant money. If this researcher could somehow figure out a way to include the impact on global warming by two people living apart, then she could really cash in.

    3. Your issue with maintaining one’s own home later in life as an arrangement only for the 1% is an interesting one. Where are the older single people living if not in their own homes? Are you suggesting older people choose to live together to cut costs? I am in this age bracket, but not this situation. After 40 wonderful years (and many more, I hope) with one man, I would not complicate/jeopardize all I have by moving in with or marrying another. You call this greed. I don’t. Several women I know are widowed. They are each in relationships with men they care about, but none of them wish for anything more permanent. They cared for ill husbands. Not a road they wish to go down again. Too many men out there are afraid of old age and are looking for caregivers and the families of these men are all too willing to let the new wife do it. Noticed MMICHAELH in an earlier comment. His new wife is 10 years younger than he is. The women I know maintain separate homes and they are happy. PS. They are not 1%er’s. Get the chip off your shoulder.

      2. Sandra, plenty of older men have cared for sickly wives also. My best friend age 72 has been caring for his wife with alzheimers for 8 years and no end in sight. She doesn’t even recognize him. The story of the sexes is a two way street. Many men who have been burned in former relationships finally wise up and decide living alone is best.

      3. You’ve got so many “adults” living like teenagers, have to have a new car, have to keep up with the jonses and then they’re surprised when at the end of life they don’t actually own anything. My parents weren’t fiscally responsible people, thankfully when I was young I worked with an older guy that made all the math seem extremely obvious.

        It’s easier to blame the “evil rich” for their problems than to admit they were foolish.

    4. You have to be a 1%er to maintain a home? Hahah. I wish they still taught economic responsibility in schools. Don’t use debt. I just told you how to maintain a home and nice car without being “AN EVIL 1%er OoooOOOooo”. I do so and I only bring in 40K. Hardly a 1%er, you class warfare crybaby.

      It takes a little longer, you don’t have the immediate gratification that comes with putting Zaxbys on your credit card, but the end game is exponentially better. I drove crappy cars until I could save enough cash for a nice one. I lived in a dump for several years while I saved for a house. Live on less than I make. Say “no” to self like an adult, no fast food if it isn’t in the budget. etc.

      I was raised in a home where “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer” and “little man couldn’t get ahead”. As soon as I dumped that mentality and started worrying about myself more that those “evil rich people” my entire life improved.

    5. Sounds like a narrow point of view. My husband and I are middle working class and retirement age. We own two houses and several pieces of property and have investments. We are far from the 1% and certainly live nothing like they do. If I were to be widowed, I would not seek marriage because:
      1. I have raised my family and do not want to be entangled in another.
      2. I am financially secure and wish to retire, travel, and pursue my own interests and hobbies after a lifetime of caretaking a man with a chronic disease.
      3. Organize my home and things the way I would like.
      4. After 30 years of marriage with no sex, I would like to have a sex partner occasionally.
      5. I would like to walk away from dramatic situations and bullies and not have to put up with them in my home, family, or employment.
      6. I have spent my whole life doing for others and would like a few years before I die to do for myself.

    6. You have to be a 1%er to maintain a home? Hahah. I wish they
      still taught economic responsibility in schools. Don’t use debt. I just
      told you how to maintain a home and nice car without being “AN EVIL 1%er
      OoooOOOooo”. I do so and I only bring in 40K. Hardly a 1%er.

      It takes a little longer, you don’t have the immediate gratification
      that comes with putting Zaxbys on your credit card, but the end game is
      exponentially better. I drove crappy cars until I could save enough cash
      for a nice one. I lived in a dump for several years while I saved for a
      house. Live on less than I make. Say “no” to self like an adult, no
      fast food if it isn’t in the budget. etc.

      I was raised in a home where “the rich get richer and the poor get
      poorer” and “little man couldn’t get ahead”. As soon as I dumped that
      mentality and started worrying about myself more that those “evil rich
      people” my entire life improved.

  5. Ultimately, all couples are looking for true intimacy that touches their soul at a deep level. God’s Design for this is found in lifelong marriage with couples experiencing emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. This type of intimacy is enjoyed by very few people and requires a commitment to be fully known, fully loved and fully committed to. We explain this in our book, Pursuit of Passion (Murphy & Sibert). It’s life transforming!

    1. I’ve been in a LAT relationship for several years. Its a mixed bag, folks. If you like working on hobbies/projects, its great in that you can do your own thing till midnight if you want, without feeling guilty, ie, depriving the other party of your attention. Time spent together feels more “fresh” and there are no arguments over money, her kids, your kids and all that.

      Still, if that perfect person and situation could be found, I would prefer living together for what its worth.

      1. How is living together any different with regards to time alone for hobbies? If you are committed, you allow the other person to have guilt free time to persue their other needs. Living apart for that reason is just as greedy… and, it takes even more time away from the relationship. I have my hobbies and she has hers… And, sometimes I accomplish something or discover something and want to share it. Is she really interested, No but I am not interested in her needlepoint either but we celebrate each other’s. accomplishments. If it had to wait until we got back together, it would be long forgotten. Life is made up of moments, not a daily report of what each has accomplished.

      2. Happy for you, but after 25yrs and now divorced I have been ‘spent’ in this commitment thing…

      4. You’re spot on, but after a fresh divorce after 25yrs together I’m ready for being single, probably forever. But I do have an LAT as well. Not sure how much longer it will last because she wants more I believe. She says she loves me….but I do not want all that comes with that… Fly free honey…fly free..

    2. Fake news! They don’t say enough how this research was actually conducted: How many people were studied, how were participants selected and what was the sample frame (all adults between age x and age y), what was the geographic spread (national sample? rural vs. metro vs. suburb?), who funded this study, what were the in-going hypotheses, etc. Just the usual junk study you see on the internet.

    3. For those very FEW who are lucky enough to find a partner capable of it. And 98% of us don’t, thank you very much. The myth of the soul-level romantic love you describe has caused more human suffering than all wars, combined. Unicorns may exist, but they are extremely rare.

  6. Pingback: Living Apart May Be The Answer. | Dating after 50

      1. GayMike is all about lying and deception. His own morals , or lack their of, he projects onto others. I told my LAT that I am not dating anyone person. She got the message loud and clear. I said the same thing to the last LAT. Someday I may find a soulmate, until then I’ll keep playing the field all I want. Besides, Feminism destroyed the legal rights of men, why in the FLYING FUK would I step into that minefield? Only a total IDIOT, or a homeless (read previously divorced male, who’s wife got everything) would marry under today’s legal system. FUK THAT!!

      2. Oh, so it’s ok that you fool around with other women as long as you get permission? You totally missed my point: you’re a selfish bastard who just wants what you want, and you THINK you’ve found a woman who aligns with your thinking, but my guess is she’s just desperate to have someone, even if he’s out there collecting STDs to bring home to her.

      4. Really? Your logic sucks. So if people live together they do not cheat and people who are seriously dating but do not live together can’t be faithful? Take your meds Gay Mike.

  9. What a pathetic way to spend your last years, commuting for a booty call.

  10. I wonder if there is a growing trend depicting how I live ? My spouse stopped all intimacy over a year ago . It’s been sporadic for a decade . We’ve been married 26 years and I don’t understand it all . My spouse just says , “not interested”. Apparently there is no divorce in the offing . I am so lonely and sad . But I married for better or worse . I’m certainly getting the “worse” now . Having just retired and with far too much time on my hands , I find this very painful . I still love my spouse and looking at my golden years as the deserts of my life . Is this LAT ? If so, it sucks . Can’t recommend it.

    1. As a 61-yr old male, I could write a book on why he is taking such a position, but the bottom line is there is no emotional intimacy in the relationship. Emotional intimacy requires effort and selflessness on the part of BOTH people in the relationship, and all too often BOTH people are negligent in loving each other ( I’m using love as a verb here, not a feeling) this way. Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another, expecting nothing in return, whether deserved or not. Only God can give us the ability to love like that, but if both people are doing it with His help, the physical intimacy will be INCREDIBLE!!! Both of you need to read Dr. Paul Tripp’s book called “What Did You Expect”. Highly recommend it!!!

    3. Dang, same exact story I’ve been telling past 3 yrs….married 25yrs, now divorced. But we are on friendly, agreeable terms so it’s all ok. But your story sounds a lot like mine. I feel for you as you’re still in the ‘ uncertain as to what is going to happen’, stage.

  11. I was widowed 3 years ago after 30 years of marriage. Was not interested in taking care of another man/child but when my first love from 45 years sgo reached out to me 7 months ago, we reconnected and after a while, I started staying with him almost full time. After realizing he was just another man/child who wanted to be taken care of, I packed my bags snd headed home (which is 500 miles away). Glad I gsve it a shot because now I know the only person I want to be with is me (and my dog and grandkids).

    1. Women turn men into “manchildren” by being demanding and opinionated. Then they complain when the men take no initiative to do anything. Then the women become shrews.

      2. Agreed. Some women do.
        … So you believe that the opposite “role playing” is a good idea? SHEEZE!!!

      3. Most guys just want peace, so they allow themselves to become acclimated to the role of “manchild” or face a relentless tumultuous life with their wives. Little do they realize that it happens in either case.

      4. Yeah…it’s real demanding that he get off the lousy sofa, stop playing x-box and get a job and contribute to the family which consists of his kid from another relationship. I marry him and he is gainfully employed, take on his kid who is autistic and then he quits his job but pretends he is going to work because a couple of women at work made fun of him. He has one chance then he is kicked to the curb. There is 2-3 generations of “boys” out there who think “wifey” is going to take care of them in everything they need. Go to hell.

      5. You find your men in the wrong places or you like the wrong kinds. Responsible, loyal men are often less fun. Every character trait tends to have good and bad attributes. We all want the good, but it is foolish to ignore the existence of the potential bad that goes with it.

      6. Nanky52, I feel your pain. Sounds like you got one with some bad traits. You know that people change themselves, only if they want to change. You sound like a good lady, and I hope you can figure out a solution for yourself. I love your candid take on this.

    2. I hear you Olive. But narrow minded people (read Leftists) like GayMike would FORCE you to fulfill a role.
      I have my Love. She is on the other side of town. Last night we put on a movie, and didnt watch a single minute, preferring to turn playful groping into more. This morning found me in my own bed, drinking my own coffee, eating b-fast I made myself. I am not a utility for a woman, and neither is any woman my servant.
      … Granted, along the way I have found many opportunities to fall into those kind of situations, but they are NOT for me. Never play a role, particularly one that GayMike would define for you. We live life on our own terms!!!
      …. I don’t care if these nitwits voted “right” or “left” they are all narrow minded Authoritarian nitwits.

    7. “Olive Galusha,” You are yet another example of how complex we all are. Glad to know that for you, you have found your best place to be.

    8. Sorry to her your first husband (a man-child by your description) passed away.
      Do you think traveling 500 miles to live with another man (to “give it a shot” – ? like rolling the dice in Vegas ?) is a setup for successful relationship?

  12. This long time psychotherapist is not surprised. Marriage, as I was once told by a priest, is hard work. After a large part of a lifetime working in a marriage, when free of it (through divorce or death) many people just don’t want to do that again. So living apart offers the fun and games without the hard work.

      1. A few decades counseling and supporting his married parishioners just might give him a valid perspective?

      3. A priest would know because priests usually provide marriage counseling to the unhappy married couples in the parish. My father was a minister and he spent many, many hours counseling married couples.

    2. You are missing a HUGE huge HUGE part of the equation. Under today’s laws, women do not have to “try” — they already have everything they need, and the culture and legal system are 110% on their side. Men find themselves hung out to dry, legally, and women use this additional POWER to their personal benefit. Look up the terms “in group gender bias” (decades of study on how selfish women are) and the terms “out of group gender bias” (decades of study on how selfless men are) — then add to that the MASSIVELY unfair power women hold legally, and you now have the total destruction of marriage, and the family unit. Read the (simple) book: Men On Strike, for a REAL perspective on the situation. But don’t tell GayMike, as he would have it: Men are always the problem.

  13. After 25 years of marriage, my wife has become like a sister. She has little interest in me, I her. There is love but not in the traditional husband/wife sense. A divorce is unlikely, economically I would lose greatly. What’s that old song…”it’s cheaper to keep her”? Looking back, I do not recommend marriage for any American male.

    1. You’ve both apparently stopped trying. A few weeks ago, I decided to start kissing my wife more: Kiss hello, kiss goodbye, kiss when she least expects it. A small thing that has brought happiness and more intimacy to the both of us.

      1. I did all of that. Mattered not. Her mind was made up. 25yr relationship,15 yr marriage…no more. She could never really tell me why besides her unhappiness and what she thought was my lack of ambition even though I have been a hard working individual employed at same company 28yrs, play and write music, bike, hockey and many other things but was not enough. Oh well, we’re on fine terms today and we’re both happy overall. Divorced officially now, but if she ever wanted to get back together I’d be surprised but would probably do it. I do still love her deep down. 🙂

    2. My husband and I hit a very rough patch around the 10 year mark, because we couldn’t communicate with one another. There was what we thought was separating us, but in the end it turned out to be a completely different reason. He had Vietnam vet issues that were nutting him up inside – and even he did not realize it. We were having “hall sex.” That is where you pass each other in the hall and say “F–k you,” and he says “F–k you, too.” We got some counseling, he got some one-on-one counseling, and it all came back: the love, the joy, the passion, and being in love. Harold, as someone with a 28 yr long passionate, happy marriage, my best advice to you is to give what you want to get.

      Most women in unhappy marriages feel unloved and unwanted – the men feel unwanted – and both sides retreat to a standoff. Step it up and take it to the next level as a man and see if she will join you. Prayer helps, too. Give the marriage and sex life to God and ask Him to repair it. Miracles can happen. Ask her to go on a picnic with you and then you pack a nice lunch you know she would enjoy and then go to the nearest pleasant spot – even if you’re in the car looking at the snow. Unsolicited advice from an old broad out there, but you got it anyway!

    3. Once women get what they want, the male will stop getting what he wants. And the law is there to protect HER, not you. this is why MGTOW, and the marriage strike, is a VERY very real thing today. (imo) It all started with undermining the males’s right via the “tender years doctrine”. It says that males are not required any family rights. Next came “no fault divorce” undermining the males’ financial rights. In short: the Kids are her’s, by default, which means she also gets the house & car; Next, under no fault: The monthly income is her’s, by default. You can thank feminism for these two pieces of law, and for the destruction of the family unit. But don’t tell GayMike, as he would rather all Men take it up the ass.

    4. Yep. Married 15 yrs thought things were going relatively well until she said…I’m not happy’. After a horrible couple of years trying to make her happy we divorced. I about lost my mind. 2 kids, currently 13 14. I never wanted this but she did and so it is. But we are friendly and we agree on everything about the splitting of assets, kids so it’s ok. I have a nice house now, near where we lived. Kids 50/50. I will never marry again…53. I do have a gal that lives on other side of town and see her a few times a month. That’s all I want. If she wants more she’ll need to move on. I’m happy today overall.

    5. Its true. American men are stuck. My wife and i love each other and have been married for 36 years. She has hormone issues (over weight and non existant libido) that she refuses to address so i suffer. I don’t want to devorce because it would be financially catastrophic, and, as i stated i do love her, for the entire family so my needs go unmet. There doesn’t seem to be a way out.

  14. Friends with benefits for old people. It’s all fun and games till life gets hard. That’s when commitment, perseverance and sacrifice matter.

    1. And where does *trust fit into that? Everyone should just blindly trust that that other older person is willing and capable? Or perhaps you are the perfect match maker?
      … I am not saying that your point is not valid, as it is!! The fact that baby boomers upset the demographics (abortion, killing 17 million defenseless babies for the sake of convenience or they would rather buy shoes w the money) means that having someone to take care of them in their old age will become VERY expensive. This is far less of a problem for rich widows, than it is for males who’s lives were financially destroyed by no fault divorce.

    2. Um, we’re talking about Baby Boomers. “Sacrifice” is not in their vocabulary.
      Boomers are the worst effing generation in America’s history. Thank God they’ll be dead soon!! Thank. God.

      1. I know many and most boomers for whom that is not true. Many absorbed and applied the values of the great generation who were their parents. A boomer who’s been married 40 or 50 years who has lost a spouse may understandably be reluctant and careful about committing in a hurry again to an unknown. Wearing out a path in the grass to their new friend next door is their choice and their prerogative, and after half a century I’d say that they’ve earned it. No one lives on this earth for free, boomer or not. They are much maligned, and have provided for themselves and their families for more than half a century. Perhaps you should refocus at the financial manipulators, who are probably less than .1 %.

    3. “Enoch McCarter,” When the medical issues become of concern, truly, it gives a deaper meaning to the word “committment”.

  15. How can a person experience the real meaning of “love” living apart from that other person that bring “life” to its meaning?
    At my age – mid 80’s – I have been married to my life-partner 40 years (our 2nd marriage for both) Intimacy as well as companionship have always being present and part of the “package” that we were willing to accept when we met. Yes, the package may bring some insignificant “Down” moments but our life together have many times more “Up” worth the risk of continuing for a long happy life.
    We have a 14 yr difference in age and we have never have discover any inconvenience in carrying on with our relationship.

    1. There are degrees of intimacy, chemistry, inconvenience, love, and meaning-of-life. Our culture makes it impossible for rich men to couple with women, as the male ALWAYS gets ass-raped by the legal system But, at the same time, women find us extremely attractive. Never engaging with women is a bad, unhealthy, idea, but committing is far far far to often suicide. We can thank “progressive” laws & feminism for the Marriage Strike Read the book: Men On Strike if you want a better picture of the destruction of marriage & the family unit.

  16. What’s ‘funny’ here is that I think many people (including myself) end up in relationships like this, unplanned…

    It’s not like you go out and say – ‘hey, this is what I want’. Somehow, things just fall into place that way.

    That said however…

    Take it from me, the concept is based upon Selfishness. Yes, I said it… For many, that is a hard reality to face up to, as no one wishes to be known by friends or family as being ‘selfish’.

    We have been ‘taught’ in this modern society – say, since probably the Sexual Revolution of the late 60’s/early 70’s, to ‘do what comes naturally’ or ‘you gotta follow your instincts’, or ‘you need to try on many pairs of shoes before purchasing’, etc., ad-nauseam. All in the pursuit of —– Self…

    And don’t think for a moment that selfishness doesn’t extend into old age… Not every middle-aged or senior is a Norman Rockwell portrait of Grampa and his wife of 60 years in some idyllic setting with grandkids running around at their feet…

    The sun shining through the clouds after the storm however, I see in our youth. The youth born out of this period of divorce and break-ups for wholly selfish reasons. They have seen first-hand what lack of true commitment brings and want no part of it. A ‘divorce’ of sorts, from the era of ‘self’ to a new day of commitment. And it’s a beautiful thing to see —

    2. You appear to “willfully” confuse *self protection* with selfishness. Today, any contract one person makes with another is in fact a contract with the State & Legal system. Many of us understand how RADICALLY flaws both those systems are; How heartless & brutal they are. Me, I have my Love, and she has me, but I wont have the State or the Legal system dictating my life, my love, or well being when I can simply not sign a contract with the State.
      Have you considered that the political system is NOT “Left” to Right” but instead is Authoritarian (totalitarianism) to Anti-Authoritarian (anarchy)? Where I live it is far to Authoritarian for my tastes, so, FUK the system. You can call me John Galt.

      1. In the final analysis, whatever the mutually agreed to relationship, the inner heart of those involved is all that matters. A flimsy piece of paper is not a precursor to a committed union of like minded adults!

    3. I agree with what you’ve said except about shoes.

      You HAVE to try on many pairs or you’ll get bunions picking the wrong pair. Shoes are different from spouses.

  17. Pingback: "Living Apart Together" Is A New Trend For Older Couples - The Interrobang

  18. Oh! Good! Know the Educated Intellectual will STUDY this, until the next Fad, and help no one.

    Men are for Sex

    Women are for Relationship

    God is for Marriage, and Faith

    Wow, think of the tax $$$$$$$$$$$ we can save

  19. Do not date someone who is religiously believes in a “god,” if you are an athiest.
    Also, do not live with your mate.

  20. Married 36 years, he has a large “man cave” full of his music equipment, he sleeps there, we both have sleep disorders, we choose and cherish the times we spend together!

    1. sleep disorders.. From a young age I viewed these as marriage killers.. But clearly, just a small obstacle when you both want it to work! The localized personal space(man cave/lady den etc) sound crucial though.. Occasional alone time is not optional..

    2. We’ve always had two bedrooms for the times when schedules do not jibe….and I go to bed much later usually. Married 40 years !

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