COLUMBIA, Mo. — Perhaps love and marriage don’t go together like a horse and carriage after all. A new study finds that older Americans looking for love are latching onto a new trend that tempers the demands of a committed relationship, a phenomenon known as “Living Apart Together,” or “LAT.”
Spurred by a divorce rate that has doubled among this demographic since 1990, many older singles — often divorced or widowed — have taken on “an intimate relationship without a shared residence.” New research was conducted upon the increasingly popular relationship arrangement among those 50 years of age or older.
According to Jacquelyn Benson, a researcher at the University of Missouri who is entrenched in the topic, LAT has long been an established phenomenon in Europe. Only in recent years is the trend reaching the United States en masse.
“What has long been understood about late-in-life relationships is largely based on long-term marriage,” Benson explains in a release. With marriage rates amongst older Americans declining, she argues that “if more people— young and old, married or not— saw LAT as an option, it might save them from a lot of future heartache.”
LAT couples want independence, but should still discuss end-of-life care
For their study, Benson and another researcher interviewed adults who were at least 60 years of age and in committed relationships, yet didn’t live together. From their interactions with this demographic, the two researchers found that there were a number of motivating factors for a LAT-type relationship.
A major theme seemed to be independence— older couples wanted their family and finances to remain separate from their partner. A stigma revolving around living together and not being wed at an older age also played a factor; many expressed that describing their partner as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” would feel awkward.
Benson, who is continuing her research, points out how she hopes to help discover and resolve issues pertaining to LAT arrangements and late life imperatives, such as end-of-life planning and caregiving.
“Discussions about end-of-life planning and caregiving can be sensitive to talk about; however, LAT couples should make it a priority to have these conversations both as a couple and with their families,” she says. “Many of us wait until a crisis to address those issues, but in situations like LAT where there are no socially prescribed norms dictating behavior these conversations may be more important than ever.”
The study is published in the journal Family Relations.
I am way ahead of this trend. My girl and I have been living apart for years and we have a great relationship. I send her $20 bucks and she lays on her bed in a live skype video… signed Pee Wee Herman. He Ha.
My grandfather outlived his 1st wife before he passed at age 96, but remarried in his late 80s to a younger 70s woman. It was for her cooking/cleaning and companionship, nothing more. Elderly people still need companionship and help with daily chores….friendships rather than romance. They can easily become depressed living alone.
Studies have shown that men become more docile as they age and women more vicious and argumentative. Many men bear verbal tirades until they feel they can no longer cope with a woman who has done a 180 from the time of their marriage. Due to circumstances, many men feel compelled to do a separation, which is actually all the woman has wanted for years. This is a much better solution than replacing “till death does us part” with “till murder does us part”. The latter being more comforting, but frowned upon by society.
“Marriage” is a social custom that binds one in a legal financial contract. That is all. When you marry you join each other financially unless you have a pre-nup. A pre-nuptial, if designed so, simply relieves you of the legalities of the social contract ‘marriage’ and leaves those honoring religious restrictions feeling absolved. Therefore, marriage is simply a routine you go thru if you are socially (religiously) obliged OR it provides legally some kind of benefit, like insurance for one or the other. That said, that piece of paper, marriage license, does nothing to keep a couple together. Do you want to be ‘right’ or ‘happy’. I think its grand when older couples can enjoy each others company with or without the benefits of that legal social contract. Especially when there are children on both sides from prior marriages. Makes them sleep a whole lot better at night. LOL! Who would want to interfere with THEIR sleep!! LOL
Question? If you were ever married to Rosie O’Donnell does that count as being married to a woman? Just asking.
I don’t know if I should laugh ………… or vomit.
The reason older couples are doing this is they don’t need another divorce in their later years where they lose everything in the rip-off courts due to women thinking they can steal everything. The last thing anyone needs later in life is to lose everything from some stupid woman who thinks everything belongs to them. I say never live together in your later years let alone at all in your life. If you do, the court and your thief wife will steal everything from you and your family….you will have nothing to leave to your heirs.
Husband and wife used to sleep separately until fairly recently. Those who could afford it provided their wife a second room, while those who couldn’t, the wife might sleep with the children or if it’s all one room, on the other side of the children. This would probably save a lot of marriages. You can still have the fun of coming together for recreational purposes, sneaking into each other’s room etc etc
Satan is really good at his work destroying marriage. You won’t know what you lost till it’s too late.
The no-fault divorce really did, in fact, make marriage unsustainable… Without a clear understanding of men being the Head of the household (with the authority that entails) marriage becomes no different from having a girlfriend (or a series of them, as modern matrimony attests to).
There were only 3 ways to get a divorce before 1970….1) Infidelity 2) A spouse commits a felony 3) A spouse deserts the marriage. Many people back then who just wanted a divorce would just say they committed infidelity so they could get the divorce….the courts got wise to this tactic and Ronald Reagan singed into law the no fault divorce in 1970 in California.
A huge nail in the coffin…
What does “played a factor” mean? I’ve heard of “was a factor” and “played a part”.
I got a Pomeranian.
“LAT” = “EFB” (Elderly F___ Buddies). 😉
How cute is that.
How could we not want to be the person who our partner could never imagine not wanting to rise with every morning or cuddle with every night. Soul mates endure life’s trials and tribulations—-together.
Once the sex drive diminishes most women really do not add much of anything life.
Lovely, Wilbur.
Bizarre.
It would be helpful to know the numbers. How many lived as LAT in 1950, 1960, etc., vs. currently. Without the stats this is just someone’s SWAG.
The radical left loves anything that destroys the family and marriage. You think shacking up will make you happier? It won’t. Stay together and treat each other well. Men take care of your wives and make them feel like the most valued person on earth and wives lift up your men, encourage them and love on them. Don’t listen to the lies of the left. A strong marriage is one of the most valuable things on earth.
Absence, of course, makes the heart grow fonder. This is never in dispute because familiarity breeds contempt..She and I are highly intelligent , loveable people so we needed a “Creative Solution”.. She leaves all of her shoes at My place.. Oh what Genius!!! Yes and I get to see my belov’d first thing Every morning and then again at sundown she returns. IT’S JUST HEAVEN!
Not many want to make a commitment to anyone or anything anymore. If you aren’t living together it’s a lot easier to split up & not a lot of reason to try to work things out. I hope that trend changes. My hubby & I have been together for 26 years. If it wasn’t for the extreme hassle of splitting everything up I’m sure we would have gone our separate ways long ago. Especially for me because of my parents divorce. Working things out forces you to compromise & try to see something from the other person’s point-of-view. In the long run it can make you even closer.
What do they call each other?