Loss can be difficult to talk about, even with our closest friends and family. Speaking with an employer about loss can be even harder. Many employees feel overwhelming pressure to excel and achieve in their jobs. While exceptional performance is important in any role, sometimes it comes with a cost. Employees need to feel comfortable expressing their needs to employers, especially when grieving.
But grief is not limited to human loss.
We love our pets as much or even more than we love our family members. A recent survey of 2,000 dog and cat owners reveals that 33 percent would choose their four-legged friend instead of their house, and another 33 percent would choose their pet over their significant other.
Additionally, a survey of 2,000 dog owners revealed that three-quarters of respondents consider their dog a member of their family. The same number are willing to go the extra mile for their pooch since they have an irreplaceable bond with them. In fact, 79 percent want to give their pups everything they need to feel loved. Pets become our closest confidants and companions. It makes sense that pet owners feel grief akin to that of losing a family member when a pet dies.
1. Ask Your Employer for Grace
It is important to speak openly to your employer about the amount of work you can reasonably handle while grieving. Communicating honestly is imperative.
Sinner recommends saying something like, “I understand all of these things are really important. Could you help me prioritize the things that I really need to get done so that I can ease into the rest because I’m having a really hard time and I want to make sure I do a good job.”
This communicates to employers that you are committed to the job, but need grace while you grieve. Sinner provides resources in her book, including email templates to use when communicating this to employers.
2. Communicate with Your Colleagues
One of the ways to normalize grief is to talk about it. Sinner’s fur baby, Kingston, recently passed away. She admits that after his passing, she was surprised by the magnitude of her grief.
“[I was] more traumatized over my dog [passing] than human beings that I have lost in my life,” says Sinner.
Co-workers need to know how to support each other, and communication is key to making that possible. If you’re not sure how to ask for help, Sinner provides resources in her book to help with that communication. “I have some text messages that they can send and emails to co-workers or even to their friends and family to ask for help with things that they need,” she explains.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Break Commitments
It’s impossible to truly plan for pet loss. No one can arrange their work schedule in advance to accommodate grief. Grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes plans have to change.
Once again, honesty is important. No one should not feel embarrassed or ashamed when making the decision to change plans. Sinner advises to say, “hey, I know we were supposed to do this thing tonight and I’m really just struggling right now and having a hard time and I can’t. And I really appreciate you understanding,” she says. If caring for yourself means canceling plans, do it.
In her book, “Pets Are Family,” Sinner addresses these areas and so much more. From actionable ways to support someone living out the trauma of losing a pet to normalizing and navigating the grief, Sinner offers insight to help us “lean in with love.”
Certified Grief Counselor of Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice, Christiana Saia, shares her take on Sinner’s recommendations. “Erika displays courageous vulnerability in this book and exemplifies how necessary it is in our grief journey,” says Saia. “This is a passionate guide through pet loss that takes time to address both the emotional as well as the practical aspects of the subject matter, some of which have yet to be addressed in current literature.”
Melissa Hughes, COO and former Director of Human Resources for the St. Louis Cardinals, explains how Sinner’s work can help normalize the grief of losing a pet in the workplace. “In my lifetime, I have lost many pets due to critical illnesses and have suffered a great deal of grief from losing what I consider to be family members. Our animals do not have the same lifespan as humans so to endure these losses can take a toll on the entire family. Yet, humans continue to adopt new animals into their lives because pets provide unconditional love and much joy to us,” says Hughes.
Sinner compassionately adds, “Together, let us honor our pets as family and the love they bring into our lives. Let us create a world that acknowledges the profound impact of pet loss and supports one another with empathy and understanding.”
After all, pets are family. It’s as simple as that.
Do you have additional ideas about how to communicate with employers? Let us know about your experience with losing a pet in the comments below.
Additional Information on Pet Bereavement:
- How To Advocate for Pet Bereavement Leave in the Workplace
- Should Employees Have Time Off to Mourn Beloved Animals?
Pet Loss Resources:
- The Pet Loss Support Page: https://www.aplb.org/
- Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice: https://www.lapoflove.com/
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